Blink

Nudes, summer, wandering...

2011-06-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Summer appears to be here but it also seems the time of year I feel a little off track. I have not gotten used to the structured seasons that Boston has. Spring came/went so quick. Things were busy, great, everyone was out meeting people & enjoying the lack of snow. But that season quickly passes and now the travel season has set in. I still have not mastered this whole summer vacation thing. When I was in Los Angeles I always took my "vacations" in the winter. Christmas in Boston, January in Utah, maybe another short trip to San Fran some other part of the year. Here everyone seems to come and go in unison and suddenly I am left in the city leaving voicemails on friends phones realizing I'll be watching Netflix movies or biking around an empty city for a few days.

I'm in between paintings at the moment. I lost some steam with open studios and I haven't quite got my rhythm back. There are several things I know I should be doing next. Applying for grants/residencies/shows, writing a decent artist statement, and finding some models (men too, I want to paint men right now, but they're skittish models sometimes.)

To hopefully find a little inspiration I did some life drawing this weekend. I tried some new pencils & pens and quickly realized why I never really use colored pencils. Looking at the sketches after a few days they do look a little better. Maybe I had a more productive Memorial day weekend than I thought. But I still wish they were better. I don't really like life drawing sessions because they always do such quick poses (10 minutes longest?) I like to have up to 30 minutes. I would really like to do even longer and paint. I don't like poses under 5 minutes. But it's hard to find sessions that don't do a majority of 1-5 minute poses. What's funny is that everyone complains about it but they keep setting up the sessions that way.

Here are some sketches from that session, there are more on Flickr. The space was small so it was hard to get enough distance from the model. She was a good model though- Lucie from Paris. I'd like to have her pose for painting in a set-up more in my own control.

Drowned Flowers

2011-05-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite still life I've done this year. I'm not a big fan of still lifes but this is the closest I have gotten to painting one that had a little bit of my point of view in it. I wish I did a few more along the same lines but my energy faltered after this.

I did a few other quick still lifes, mainly of desserts. I let go of trying to put big concepts into the paintings since I did not have much time to dwell on anything longer than a couple hours at a time. Here are some samples:

There's a few more coming that I didn't scan since they had very thick paint and needed time to dry. I also have many more figure paintings coming but I'm still waiting on drying paint before I tote them back to my studio to photograph.

After the rush...

2011-05-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

...inevitably comes the crash. That's where I am. Whenever there is a busy season of shows, open studios, grant applications, end of the semester stuff, etc., there is always the extreme quiet that follows. And a massive head cold. I'm not good at admitting that I'm sick. I'll try to do as much as I do when I'm well. Like biking 50+ miles last week... in the rain... while sweating, feverish, and dizzy from congestion. It finally caught up to me today. When I woke up I realized I wasn't going to be able to go anywhere, at least not fast. So I took the day to try and be a normal sick person. Probably a good idea since it took me 2 hrs to move from my bed to the couch. Of course then once I was sitting up I realized I was really really bored.

But because I can't just watch movies all day and be unproductive like a normal sick person I'm going to catch up on posting some art. So here is another batch of cafe sketches. I admit I have been loosing steam on the cafe sketches and will probably have to change it up again soon and find some new inspiration. Maybe I will go back to sketching at concerts or join in on some life drawing sessions now that I have a little more time. Or landscapes when it stops raining already. Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh.

This is a self portrait I drew at LA Burdick. I used to go there more when I was in between jobs and could visit at times where there was seating. I decided to break my Biscuit habit and go again except there weren't many people to draw. But there were some mirrors so I tried a self portrait. It doesn't look exactly like me but I still like the overall composition.

Now that the weather is a little better (at least some days) I can get some different angles of people on the patio at the Biscuit. But it's harder to be discreet when drawing people since all the seating faces inward. I like this sketch (above) and was enjoying pencil for a bit. However the next few drawings are a bit uninspired to me. I'm starting to feel like they're all looking the same. People talking. People eating. People typing. I feel like there's something missing but I'm not sure what....

I think this very old sketch is a hint to what is missing:

It's a sketch of my friend Guillermo in Los Angeles (2006?) which I should probably re-scan for a better representative image.The text reads "I am ready to work I am so bored every day..." which is what he was saying as I drew him. I think I want to draw portraits of people that are less voyeuristic, less from the outside. Perhaps of friends. Perhaps over serious conversations like we had that evening.

Revised Summer Plans?

2011-04-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

I was going to bike around New England and paint landscapes, and I still might do that. I've even been working on my bike so that it can carry my plein-air art gear. I'm very close to having it together. However, I realized that happy little landscapes with cows and New England churches is *not* what I want to paint. Look at my painting "Exodus" posted above. That is a landscape I did. It's not very happy. It was inspired by a long stretch of desert in Arizona full of rusted out abandoned cars. This is the sort of thing I want to paint. So, new plan. I am researching landscapes that have a combination of pastoral & industrial features. Nuclear plants and ocean views. Steel factories near woods. Shipping centers near mountains. I've told this to a few people and they've all looked at me like I have two heads. I could be offended, but really it makes me want to do it more. I'm sure people won't be lining up to buy a painting of a nuclear plant. But we see ugly things in the landscape around us every day and choose to edit it out. We look at the daffodils the neighbor planted. But not the factory nestled beyond the trees of their yard. I can't paint the beauty of nature without mankind's mark on it-- nothing has been left untouched. So currently I am researching this new trip. I am also hoping to apply for some grants. Maybe I could go paint the rusted out cars from life. (And I'm hoping my fear of scorpions won't deter me.)

Cafe Stories @ the biscuit (I should just move there)

2011-04-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

I usually do one or two sketches a week over coffee & pastries at the Biscuit (when I can get a seat.) I enjoy watching people and drawing them, capturing their look, body language, snippets of conversation, or my own thoughts. This is different from my painting, and doesn't really tie into it. But it shows what I am naturally drawn to- just people. Their lives, stories, who they might be, what they are going through. If I don't know who they are I make it up. I've also been bringing a random assortment of pencils, markers, conte crayons, chalk around with me. It has been giving me more options and a chance to get creative with the medium. Sometimes I add acrylic paint or ink later in my studio- but I try not to mess with it too much.

The girl in the drawing above was going through some big relationship drama and was having a very serious (and loud) conversation about it. There were some cultural differences as I understood it. I was really drawn to the guy reading to the left just over the center figure's shoulder. I liked his glasses. I decided that he was a student studying Spanish who also writes short stories. I tried to do a close up of him but he left in the middle of it:

I don't know what this couple was talking about, they were sort of boring. I think the guy picked up I was drawing him and kept looking over. He looked like the type that would have a dull job at a place like State Street but would would also run marathons.

This guy below was in a group of three other guys. They were all in some sort of science field and were comparing notes on their various jobs/projects. I couldn't tell if they were talking about neuroscience or computer science. This guy had very fascinating lips and head shape.

I saw this guy at Sherman Cafe (see, I do sometimes go to other cafes...) I've seen him around that same area since- once on a bicycle wearing a trash bag to keep the rain off. I could draw his hair/beard all day. Maybe I'll see him around again and get to do just that.

This girl had really cool headphones. I liked her glasses. When she go up to use the restroom she took them both off and it was like one of those scenes in a movie where the nerdy girl takes off her glasses and is model hot. Yep, she looked like she could model. But you can't really see it in the sketch.

Block 11 in Union Square is not always good to draw at. If it's crowded then there are usually only seats in the back where the light is bad and it's hard to have a good angle to see people. I usually bring a book there just in case there is nothing to draw. In this case there was a threesome. My ears perked up when they starting talking about Los Angeles. I think the older lady (you can just see her eye peeking out) was giving advice to the couple. Maybe they were moving there?

That's all for now...

Summer Plans

2011-04-12T20:49:00.001-07:00

It came about when I dropped my bike off for a tune up and failed to calculate a timely return trip home on the bus. There happened to be a row of vintage clothing shops right there. (And a cupcake shop but that has nothing to do with this story. But I did stop there too.) I hate trying on clothes so I was really just looking at accessories. Sunglasses, scarves, belts, bags. And I came across a huge navy blue canvas back pack for $25. Now having just browsed back packs at the bike shop $25 was an awesome deal. (Biking back packs are over $100? really? And they're heavy even when empty. And sporty ugly. Why?) So I went with the $25 one. One the 1.5 mile walk home (still no bus) and the 1 mile walk to my studio I realized what I want to do this summer for a little vacation. I'm going to take all my paints and brushes and put them in the back pack. And then bike around either Vermont or New Hampshire or upstate NY or the Cape or the coast and stop wherever & whenever to paint good views. That's all, simple, remote, cheap, no fuss. How does that sound?

However the bicycle pictured above is not the one I would take. That's what I call my Saturday Bike because it's lazy and hates hills and loves posing outside of cafe's for curious passersby. I'd take my hybrid that likes dirt and roads and potholes.

Next to figure out:

1. Narrow down what region I should go to. Just a bit.
2. Find a travel who likes a) bikes b) art c) sunshine d) going slow
3. Devise a system for transporting wet paintings by bicycle
4. Where to sleep since I don't think camping will work- hard to carry both painting & sleeping gear

YOU'RE INVITED! Somerville Open Studios

2011-04-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

SOMERVILLE OPEN STUDIOS
Once again I am participating in Somerville Open Studios. I will have many new paintings, old favorites, and tons of things to buy. I am also working out a way to accept credit cards so there are no excuses this year. Please stop by my studio and say hi. I will have good food and wine. There are also 300 other artists participating across the city. Bring your bicycle and make a day of it!

There will also be a party at some point on the rooftop deck of the studio. I will let you know about that when I have the details. Also there are 2 other related exhibitions I am participating in- one at Bloc 11 (up now) and one at the Somerville Museum (opening April 15th.) Please check those out if you can. However, the open studio itself is the big event and I hope you will come.

WHEN?
Saturday, April 30 · 12:00pm - 6:00pm
Sunday, May 1 · 12:00pm - 6:00pm

WHERE?
All over Somerville MA. However, my studio is located at:

Mad Oyster Studios, 2 Bradley Street, Somerville, MA

MORE INFO:
Visit the official site at Somerville Open Studios
Visit Somerville's Diverse + Vibrant Arts Community
Over 300 artists in over 100 venues will open their homes and studios for the 12th Annual Somerville Open Studios Event on April 30 & May 1, 2011, noon to 6pm.

During this free showcase for the arts, mid-career and emerging artists working across a broad spectrum of fine art styles and craft media will exhibit their work to the public.

Visitors to SOS will be treated to displays of art in both traditional and non-traditional spaces throughout the city.

Getting around Somerville
SOS attendees are encouraged to use public transport, the Somerville Open Studios Trolleys, bikes scooter and walk by foot if possible.

Trolleys
During the event Trolley service is available to help visitors get around. Trolleys will at approximately 15 minute intervals during SOS hours. Signs indicating where stops are located will be posted. The trolley route will be available in the map book.

Painting Studies

2011-04-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm currently taking a class at MassArt called the Powers of Observation with Catherine Kehoe. For the class I've been doing about 2 paintings a week for several months now. There's a few weeks left in the class still but I wanted to posted what I've done so far. These were all done from life in about 3 hrs more or less. I wanted to take the class because I've become so dependent on photographs from my main paintings that I have fallen into some bad habits. The class is helping to break some of that up and give me some fresh new technique and ideas. No earth tones were used in any of these. The goal of the paintings is to mix the exact color we see and paint it directly. It can be a bit mechanical sometimes and gets tricky with the figure. However it is definitely worth taking the time and pushing to get it as close as possible. I expect this to eventually influence my regular wood and help make it stronger with color, more nuanced, and more bold overall. Head over to my Flickr to see the paintings I've done so far.

Jackpot!

2011-03-26T12:43:00.002-07:00

I'm still unpacking my last boxes from moving before the holidays. Most of the boxes have been full of those miscellaneous things that probably should have been tossed or donated like hair curlers and accessories to the toaster oven (which is why I have been procrastinating unpacking them.) Except, just when I have reconciled myself to an uninteresting afternoon of moving crap around I find over 7 FEET OF RAW CANVAS!!!!!!! I must have hoarded it away several years ago and forgot. This is like finding gold. Okay, maybe more like finding a $20. It still makes me happy because I started building a 7ft canvas frame the other day only to find I had no canvas left. Just scraps. I've put myself on a vicious art supply budget (of $0, because I already blew my budget on many many tubes of pricey paint like cadmiums and cerulean) so I thought there was no hope of getting to start this massive painting before summer. And now I will get to start it. Provided I don't run out of oil priming ground first. Or oil paints. Or time.

My Paris Sketchbook (and some news)

2010-10-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

This fall has been a flurry of activity and everything is moving way to fast. I have just returned from a much needed vacation in Paris where I spent my time not going to any important tourist sites. Instead I hung around cafes and gardens and met locals and sketched people and things around me. I ate enough pastry that I became a near expert on where to find the best croissants in the city (depending on whether you prefer buttery, flaky or soft croissants. If you're in Paris and in need of croissants, see Eric Kayser.) I made friends, shopped at local markets, explored out of the way neighborhoods, and partied into the night at wine & art festivals while normal tourists were asleep in their beds - butt bags & maps resting on the nightstand. It was a very fun trip and it definitely deserves several posts which hopefully I will get too soon. For now you can see sketches I did there on my flickr site:

PARIS SKETCHBOOK

In other news, I am in the process of starting a new full time job (hooray for income!) and subsequently moving to some sort of apartment closer to my studio & job. It will be a welcome change to have a place of my own and be able to once again get around to most places I need to go to via bike/public transit. I hate driving-- it numbs the mind. Plus it makes me angry and mumble to myself like a nut. I've been driving 60 miles a day for the last 2 years and I am done with cars, traffic, and parking. How do people do this their whole life? I like keeping my life contained in 5-10 square miles, preferably with some bike lanes, farmer's market, and hiking options. It's going to be crazy for the next month or 2 until I find a place and settle in-- but hopefully it will mean that I will be able to focus much more on art, new shows, and more paintings!

As for the fall, my website has been partially updated. It still needs tweaking (I got distracted) but am hoping to finish updating it at some point in the next month or two. I am also reworking artist statements, bios, etc. and hopefully applying to a few things as well as contemplating proposing and curating a group or 2-person show. It will all be a lot of work and I have been thrown off by some of the mundane real world things I have had to do-- but it is on my list and I am planning to make 2011 a year of new paintings and art shows.

This month I will have some paintings published in the October issue of Wild Apples: Dwelling, Refuge, Shelter. I am very excited to be a part of this and hope you will check it out. Wild Apples is a literary & arts publication with a mix of poetry, fiction, and artwork. Here is a better description from their site:

[Wild Apples] seeks to educate the public through the arts about ways to live sustainably on the earth. In pursuit of that goal, our primary activity is the publication of a 48-page, full-color, soft cover arts magazine called Wild Apples: a journal of nature, art, and inquiry. Taking its name and inspiration from Henry David Thoreau's essay, "Wild Apples," the journal brings together the work of artists, writers, and photographers who are connected by the common threads of care for the environment, engagement in social concerns, and commitment to the arts and the way they shape our world. We also engage in outreach activities, which have included art and poetry workshops and presentations at schools, libraries, prisons, museums, and other community venues, and we occasionally publish products of these activities.

Updates coming, delayed due to flooding...

2010-10-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

I have returned from a much needed vacation in Paris! I have many many sketches to share, and maybe some photos & videos. However there will be a slight delay in sharing since my studio flooded while I was away. It's a long story and in the end it won't be a big deal (nothing important was damaged) but in the meantime it is very musty and impossible to work in until everything is cleaned up and aired out. Once this is done I'll get back to business in the studio and have some images for you!

A Break for Inspiration

2010-09-28T13:00:00.001-07:00

My sister says I shouldn't post my vacation plans online because of a chance of burglary. But, see, I don't actually have a home to rob. Or apartment. So if anyone somehow manages to burgle me while I'm away it might actually make me feel impressed that they found someplace to break into. Hopefully they'll leave me a note and let me know where that home is so I might live there.

So here are my vacation plans. I spend 9 days in Paris. My itinerary includes: jazz, opera, art, wine, cheese, pastry, cafes, sketching, books, flea markets, Van Gogh, Manet, & some Hemingway. My itinerary does NOT include: the eiffel tower, the Mona Lisa, the Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame, waiting in lines, saying dull ignorant things loudly in English, staring at maps, buying chotchkies and general crap.

It will be a wonderful break from a drab year of searching for jobs, making ends meet, crashing with family, and trying to find the peace of mind to paint pictures.

Au revoir!

All the Things I Own Except a Home

2010-09-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

This a new graphite sketch for a painting I am planning- something I have been working on for a while to get the right look. Originally it was set in a desert, then a marsh, and then I put it in a forest, and then it took many bike trips around state parks and other wooded areas to find the right forest setting for reference. I also had significantly more stuff including pots hanging on the trees, bookshelves, more boxes, etc. I didn't know what pose I wanted the figure in until a few weeks ago- but when I did it all finally started falling into place. I want the figure to be nude-- but not explicit. I want it to be ordinary with a person going about normal business- but she is not indoors in a safe and private space. She is outdoors where she is exposed and vulnerable. The pose was inspired by photograph I saw-- and I still need to find a model to recreate it and adjust it for the painting. I did this sketch to force myself to think things out more specifically. There is something about drawing out an idea that calls attention to even the most minute details in a way that photography and Photoshop never do. It is a way of becoming intimately familiar with every line and shadow. It keeps me from looking and thinking too quickly and ensures I know all of the potential pitfalls and attend to any issues. This painting will be called "All the Things I Own Except a Home" and will be 3x4 ft when complete. It is about not having a place to live or a place where one can relax, be themselves, and have time alone doing ordinary things. Or it is about trying to make a home in a place that is exposed and uncomfortable and not meant for a permanent sort of lifestyle. I need to do some color studies next to pin down the color- I am not sure if I'll make it very lush green or something more desaturated and toned down. Recently I took a look back at an older painting I did ages ago called "The Jungle" and might use that as a jumping off point for color, but with the figure less orange. Here is a an image of that painting:

"The Jungle" was one of the first paintings I did after I decided to leave the film industry. But while I was still in film school and starting to have doubts about being there, I took a photography class where I did a series of self-portraits. These eventually became the starting point for most of my paintings and most of what I still do is still rooted in them. The are called "Imposed Geometry" and mostly have to do with putting manmade elements and structures in a natural environment. But they also have to do with vulnerability and domesticity. Here are two that are particularly relevant:

The first one is in a destroyed adobe house in Malibu Creek State park. I had to wait for a quiet moment with no one passing by in order to strip down to a slip for the pose. The second one was taken in a park in Culver City. My favorite part is that you can see an oil derrick in the distance on the hill in the upper right corner. The oil derricks in that park inspired my Edge of the World series. But they were hard to use in photographs because they all had chain link fences around them.

Experiments in Graphite

2010-09-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've been mostly drawing lately, partly because I have more ideas than I can keep up with and want to attend to as many as possible. Drawing is much faster and I can turn things around in a week rather than a few months. I was working mostly in charcoal which is very painterly and fluid. But I saw another artist working in graphite and liked his work so I thought I would give it a shot. Graphite is not very fluid and lends itself much more to messy cross-hatching and detail linework. It also does not produce a rich black and heavy layers of it turn more silver gray and catch the light (for better or for worse.) There is something magical about the silvery quality of graphite that I think can work in my drawings, but sometimes the gray quality seems to lack boldness.

I did this drawing above sometime last week, it is called "Roses" for now. It was my first experiment and so I did not really fuss over the subject matter. The figure is someone I met at an art show a few months back and asked to pose for me. Generally I am too shy to approach strangers and ask favors but I've made a resolution to overcome my shyness. My old mainstay of getting models from Craigslist is great when it works. But I never know who will respond and sometimes there are painting/drawing ideas I put off because of it.

The Bedroom Trees

2010-08-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

I completed this drawing "The Bedroom Trees" recently after fussing over it on and off for a month. Most of my problems were technical and conceptual. I wasn't sure if it really made any sense, and then I also learned I am crap at perspective. The original idea was a bedroom with trees growing in it. I haven't drawn much with perspective or anything architectural in a long time-- probably not since college. But also figuring out how to draw large trees growing inside is hard to do because there isn't anything to reference. I realized quickly how hard it was to turn my idea into reality and had problems figuring out the logistics of how it would work in an image. You can see that where the tops of trees meet the ceiling is a bit non-specific-- that was me deciding to leave it ambiguous after several attempts to be more precise and have the space make sense. I think if I turned this into a painting, it would need many more studies-- but I'll probably leave it as a drawing for now.

The idea of it came from wanting to capture an uncomfortable living space-- a place that should be restful but things are coming in and overtaking it. It is also meant to be dreamlike and lonely, and the figure is everywhere but in actually in bed resting. I like to repeat figures to show different states of mind and sort of imply a progression of thoughts or mood.

The New Studio

2010-06-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

I have been missing in action on the blog lately- partly due to procrastination, lack of reliable internet & free time, and general busy-ness. I was wrapped up in preparing for the Somerville Open Studios which meant I took a detour from my usual grand scale paintings to do more small scale landscapes. I planned to return to painting and start a new large series of pieces but instead I ended up having to move studios and contribute to another small show. So instead of new paintings to share, I have some images of my bigger and better studio space. The photo above is the entry space-- I liked how the light came in through the windows and hit the floor. Below is my studio space. I have not settled in yet. I am still figuring out storage and where to put things and eventually I will build walls to separate it from the larger space it is in so it will be more private.

The best part of the space is that it is over 3 times as large as my last space, better maintained, and with much higher ceilings. There are no trees growing out the roof... or faint odor of plumbing issues. I have about 250 square feet now. I had 80 before as illustrated below:

There was barely enough space to turn around or stand up and was probably better suited to a painter of miniatures. The new space costs more but it comes with better facilities, common areas, a rooftop deck, parking, community. I'm eager to get started on a new bunch of paintings & drawings. I'm in the process of planning them out now.

Also since I have been a bit behind on things I have not posted my latest big drawing (about 3x4 feet). Right now I call it "Nearby Distance" which still could change. It is another work where I try to play with mental and physical geography. The left half of the drawing is Los Angeles, the right have is the woods of New England. It is about how people can be connected even when physically apart. Even though the drawing rearranges geography and shows figures near each other- it implies an emotional distance between them that may be even more difficult to cross than the physical distance between the east & west coasts.

I'm also making more of an effort to include men in my paintings. I haven't included them very often for several reasons. Most of my paintings are a form self portraits that come from my own experiences. When I visualize things, I don't see men. It doesn't make sense in context with the ideas in my head. Substituting a man for a woman would change the meaning drastically and would raise a completely different set of issues than what I intend. When I really started painting heavily (beyond just college) I started with a series that explored vulnerability. It was ultimately about being alone in a big city... as a woman. For me the "woman" part went without saying, it was just a given since I am a woman.* Those paintings worked better with women since society sees them as "vulnerable." A man walks alone in the woods- so what. A woman does the same and she is told that is too dangerous. So swapping the figure with a man would change the meaning.

Even now that my paintings are not as much about vulnerability and have more mysterious narratives- it would still change the meaning to have a man. These days when I paint figures, the women often exist in their own internal worlds. With multiple women in one painting, I often see them as different aspects of the same person, even if their physical appearances are not the same. So including a man would feel like an intrusion of sorts. Or the painting would become more about a relationship between a man and a woman instead of a portrait of single person's internal world. Once it becomes about two characters I worry that a painting/drawing becomes even more narrative perhaps inches closer to illustration. However, I have decided to question my instinct to only use women and try to change things up without getting too far from my artistic voice. I This drawing is my first attempt, and I am working on some other ideas as well. I will probably also turn this drawing into a painting as well because I think it would be more successful in color.

*But I feel I don't need to explain that when I talk about my paintings I am now because people always ask why I paint women and I admit it is frustrating since I don't think it needs explaining.

Have some art while it snows...

2010-02-17T04:06:00.000-08:00

I finished this drawing yesterday, tentatively called "Around." It is roughly 36x43 inches and drawn in charcoal, chalk and acrylic paint on rag paper. Because I painted part of it, it is kind of wrinkly and it was hard to get a good photo. I may try again when it is not icy and I have more patience, but this photo will do for now.

I like this drawing, but what I like most about it are little elements in it that show sparks of potential for future drawings. I got into the texture of the charcoal, and the mysterious quality that black and white images have since they don't need to be as specific as when in color. I like the background-- how in some areas it is fuzzy and unclear and has some magic in it. I also went darker in this one, and it feels very bold in person. (Partly because I painted the black areas with acrylic and went over them in charcoal to get a harder intensity.) I would like to explore some of these little things more with future drawings. I am probably going to stick with drawings for the next little bit while I work out some painting ideas and build canvases, so we'll see what happens.

Right now I am interested in repeating the same figure, and this drawing is along that line. I like having a repetition and showing a small journey by showing the same figure at different moments side by side. I am planning to do this more in depth, though sometimes I have other ideas along the way that I want to do too so it feels like I am moving slow and not accomplishing anything.

Also, I finished my new and better version of "The Birds Will be the First to Die."

I am using brighter colors now, because I don't see the point in being so faithful to reality since my scenes are meant to be worlds in their own right. This has a bright turquoise sky (thanks to Cobalt Teal!) but it looks different in person-- still bright but more solid somehow.

This idea was inspired by a report that the bird populations of the northeast are dropping, and that it is an ominous sign for humans. It's the sort of thing that makes me want to hide in my closet. But I don't. Instead I make beautiful horrifying paintings about it that makes people really really quiet when I explain it.

Here is the older version of this idea, which I absolutely hate. I tried to fix it and repaint it several times but sometimes starting over completely is the only remedy. It's much smaller, maybe 19 inches across (it's in an attic so I won't bother to measure it.) It also is a prime example of a crappy landscape. I'm not a natural landscape painter, and this is one mass of green that I couldn't conquer.

Now I'm going to go have a sandwich before I eat my keyboard, and finish writing a short story, and maybe iron a skirt for tomorrow.

Goodnight.

In the Forest

2010-01-12T20:08:00.000-08:00

I finished this painting this week, tentatively called "In the Forest, in the Desert," (3ft by 4ft.) I've been told that is a bad title. So it might change. It is a hard one to name because I don't think it translates into words.

This is autobiographical (as always) and is a made up space with a desert on the left and northeastern woods on the right side knitted together into one space. I tried to make the landscapes different enough it was clear it was southwest meets northwest-- but not so different it looked like two different paintings. Ultimately I wanted to make a scene that took more than a brief glance to figure out.

I thought this one was done a month or two ago, but after staring at it for a while I decided some things were not working for me. I worked on some other pieces on the meantime which gave me some ideas for this one. In the end I nearly repainting the entire thing-- and repainted the figure on the right 3-4 times changing the color of her dress. It was gray, then yellow, then red. At the end I decided to make it black-- to create a rhythm with the black bird, foreground figure in black, and then a third piece of black. The red dress was too overpowering and disrupted the way a viewer should experience it. I had just painted the clothing on the figure and was about to repaint the reflection when a friend walked by and stopped me. She said the reflection should stay red. I didn't agree at the time but luckily decide to look at it for a few days. In the end, she was right, and the red reflection is just the right amount of red and adds a weirdness to the scene that I love. You can't plan everything.

Maybe I should call this painting "Nature" since I was reading a biography of Emerson while I worked on it.

Here is a detail of my favorite part:

Below is a previous painting I finished just before the holidays, "Two Coasts" (also 3ft by 4ft)

This is another one where I tried to knit east & west coast together but in a different more literal way-- with Los Angeles on the left and Boston on the right. I repeated the exact same figure but with a slightly different gaze on each.

I am exploring breaking the unity of space and time. I am thinking of having figures being repeated even more times to create a journey. I don't want to paint paintings that are a moment in time that could be captured as well or better with a camera.

When I work out the concept of a painting, I approach it more like an installation concept vs. a painting concept. Except most of my ideas are too impossible to ever make into an installation (like move New Mexico next to Vermont impossible.) I love that everything is possible in painting though.

I am currently reading "Collages" by Anais Nin. I love it. I'm reading it slowly to savor it since it is a short book and I will miss it when it is done. I recommend it for anyone who has lived in LA, or is an artist, or both.

Birds Over a Cornfield

2009-10-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

This is my latest drawing done with charcoal, pastel and collage. It is 3 ft high & 4ft wide-- because I love big right now. It feels like you can almost walk into the drawing. It is a view of an area in Carlisle MA that I bike past-- one day I saw a flock of birds flying just over the top of the corn, circling around playfully. I tried to take pictures of the birds, but they were too quick. I think the birds I originally saw are chimney swifts-- but I'm not sure-- they wouldn't hold still so I am only judging by their general shape. The birds I put in aren't really swifts-- could not find good reference for a flock of swifts. But I thought larger birds would work better visually.

Here are details of the figure and house:

It's hard to tell from the pictures, but the birds are actually cut outs that I hand painted in acrylic for added texture. I shaded them lightly around the cut outs to give the appearance of shadow/movement so they stand out a little more. I think I will do more with collaged elements in future drawings, but subtly. I don't want to get carried away because ultimately I just love drawing itself without boundaries. I am in love with charcoal and found the process of collaging the birds here very boring-- but I like the finished effect.

More will come soon, I am behind in posting my work and am still churning out more things daily. The big drawings go especially fast and I love the immediate gratification-- so I am aiming to do one a week-- and I can still get quite a bit of painting done since the energy of drawing is carried into my painting. This new way of working is turning out to be very fluid and natural and I don't have as many "bad" art days.

I've also found that reading in my studio just before I paint is a great way to slow my mind down and get into a more patient creative mood. If I come rushing in fresh from doing emails and errands I am more likely to be flustered and lazy in my approach-- so reading adds a good buffer period. Plus I learn interesting things.

Currently I am reading a biography of Emerson (by Robert D. Richardson Jr.) and it is fascinating. I am determined to actually read some of Emerson's essays for the first time. I have always had difficulty with philosophy (I could read biography forever) but this particular biography is a great introduction and background to what I would like to ultimately understand. Currently I am at the portion where Emerson is writing "Nature." I really want to read it now-- the attention the biography gives it has set my mind to thinking-- especially when juxtaposed to what I am currently working on with art. I wrote a new artist statement yesterday, and it is already out of date after reading just a few short paragraphs of "Emerson: Mind on Fire" last night.

This is where my sister would roll my eyes and tell me I'm a nerd. But I would just remind her about her own bubbly excitement when discussing vascular dementia. (She's a doctor.) Runs in the family.

The Past and the Future

2009-08-20T08:47:00.001-07:00

...My latest big drawing, probably my last one for a little bit because I am going to focus more on painting. I forgot the exact dimensions of this one-- I'm guessing it is about 3ft x 2 feet. Done with charcoal & acrylic gesso on rag paper. Another one with a mysterious meaning-- I don't like things to be clear. But the setting is on a cliff (Big Sur) overlooking the Pacific with one woman looking west, and one looking east. That is why I named it The Past and the Future-- sort of a bundle of themes running in my work these days-- geography, place in time, moodiness.... Pretty much autobiographical. I'm waiting for the kind people who pose for me to catch on that I am doing self portraits even though my image is not literally in the paintings. And I always want to turn things into "scenes" like stills from some bizarre movie. Perhaps that's whey I'll never be a straight portrait artist.

Here are some details:

A Little Bit Homesick

2009-08-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

A new drawing, approximately 36x36 inches. I am still thinking up a title. The view is Runyon Canyon, Los Angeles. Drawing this made me homesick for LA-- it didn't help that I was listening Aimee Mann Bachelor No. 2-- music I associate with moving to LA. I am not sure what this drawing is a about-- for me the interest is the contrast of the two figures and the way the shadow falls, and the way the figure on the right's head is cropped off. There's no narrative for it, I just wanted to capture a certain conflicted feeling.

If I turn this into a painting I may crop this so it is more vertical. On a whim I added more BG on both sides in the drawing but I think it weakens the composition.

Here is a detail:

I have another drawing I am working on-- will post that later. Then I need more paper as I already burned through 5 yds of (somewhat) pricey rag paper. But I also need to do some oil painting and finish some of my in process pieces. I think I have a new perspective on my paintings after spending a while working with charcoal. We'll see what happens.

Big Big Drawings!

2009-08-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

This is called "The Birds Will be the First to Die." I did a version of this idea a year (or more?) ago that is on my website. I don't like that version. I thought of fixing that painting but eventually decided to move on. However, living in a world where there are trees, I unexpectedly found I was able to solve my previous painting issue. I was able to get a wonderful model in an actual tree in the exact pose I wanted. Amazing what that does. I didn't have to "invent" anything which helps to make things work in an effortless way. I wasn't sure if I was going to actually turn this into a painting until I did the drawing, now I think that it has to be done. Here is a detail:

This was done with charcoal, black/gray/white pastel, black/white Conte crayon, pencil & acrylic gesso. It is definitely darker and moodier than the painting will be-- but I sort of like what happened so maybe that will creep in after all.

This painting was based on a brief report I heard about how bird populations in the North East are declining and it is a harbinger of what is to come for us non-birds. Birds are more vulnerable to environmental shifts, kind of a Canary-in-a-coalmine thing. I couldn't watch the full report because it scared the shit out of me. Instead I make paintings of reports like this, it keeps me sane.

Back on the Two Coasts painting, I have continued to work on it but went and did a study to work out the foliage detail. I need to simplify it and shape it a little more so it isn't a chaotic mess. Here it is:

I think I am going to put leaves framing the painting in the upper right & left hand corners. I thought I would test the idea in the drawing first. I'm still trying to find the right type of oak leaves to put in the upper right side-- some that are more curved than pointy. I went for a bike ride this week and could only find angular oak leaves. I saw some curvy oak leaves framing a scene in a Titian painting and I want to copy/steal/reference them... but now I can't figure out which painting I am remembering them being in. Aaaaahhhhh! But I bought the catalog for the Titian/Tintoretto/Veronese exhibit so I can refer back to the paintings and hopefully find it.

Current Paintings in Process...

2009-07-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

I've been working on some more ambitious paintings lately. I thought that I would be further along than I am. Perhaps it is a lack of deadlines, or that I am bogged down by real life distractions (like trying to scrounge up some sort of income.) I think I actually paint more when I am employed full time. I know this is why I could never be a freelancer or small business owner-- I don't function with unpredictable schedules or high demand projects that compete for my attention. Initially I was going to start 5 large paintings, but now I'm focusing on 2 large paintings and 2 small. I'll probably start another large painting soon but after I get a handle on what I have already started.

My paintings are much more involved these days because I am making more detailed paintings and getting away from what I had been doing in the last few years (which had started to feel a bit formulaic.) I have been collecting and putting together my own reference images, often getting upwards of 30 images per painting, and 50+ layers in Photoshop as I collage them together. My themes are moving away from a desert feel and towards a distinct New England feel. That means there are more trees, and I struggle with trees.

I am also working to incorporate more figures/portraits. It is something I have always wanted to focus on more but somehow I moved away from it. Now I feel like I am learning how to paint faces all over again-- a bit rusty. I would love to paint figures like John Singer Sargent-- but I do not have the facility right now. I have this feeling that I will need to get a bunch of small canvases and do a portrait every day for a month for the purpose of practice and study. For now I started 2 small portraits with some promise of sucess-- but they are still overworked and not completely fresh and bold. I am not sure if they are done, but here are some images (not the greatest photos, but they'll do... until I finish the paintings.)

I think I need to do more of these, and I actually want to work on bigger canvases as I practice portraits. The close cropping puts more emphasis on composition and I would prefer to focus on the flesh itself without any needless restrictions.

Here is one of my large paintings in progress. I basically have the elements blocked out and am still moving things around and changing colors. I'm still a few stages away from doing fine details, and most of the color is brighter than it will be at the finish:

This pieces is called "Two Coasts" and is auto-biographical. Los Angeles is portrayed on the left side and Boston is on the right side. I want each side to feel like different worlds with different light-- and I'm still figuring out the balance so that it works together. It is 3x4 feet. Here are some close ups after I started working on the details of the figures. I blocked of portions of the painting in order to focus in on figures more (and not be tempted to keep messing with the background before solving issues I was avoiding....)

This is my other big one that is in process, "In a Forest in a Desert." It has a similar theme, with Southwestern mountains and deserts knit with east coast forests:

I am hoping to finish these pieces this month and move on to some new painting ideas. I am in the process of making preparatory studies for some new pieces, trying to work them out before I get too deep into them. Meanwhile I am hurriedly trying to squeeze in as many visits to the Titian, Tintoretto & Veronese exhibit at the MFA before it goes away-- it is the best exhibit I have seen! I went for the 2nd time yesterday and bought the catalog. I'm hoping to go a couple more times in the next week or so now that I have started reading the catalog and have more background information. Plus reproductions never hold a candle to the real things which I won't see again side by side like this.

My Plot to Take Over the World (With Art)

2009-05-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while, but with good cause-- I've been in the studio working and not at a computer more than necessary. (My studio is internet free, which is kind of nice to be dis-connected and the old-fashioned type of "wireless" for most of the day.)

My open studio went very well and I made some cash. I then purchased a large quantity of art supplies for my upcoming paintings-- enough for 12 large scale paintings. I have been building and prepping canvases-- which I do in bulk all at once because I HATE IT. Really. Messy, time consuming, and at the end of the day I usually am sore as hell from pulling and yanking canvas tight or kneeling on the floor spreading oil ground. I prepare my canvases very meticulously because it is the base of everything and I cannot change it later so I must get it right from the start.

I don't like pre-prepared canvases. Why?

1. Gesso is crappy
2. They are not stretched well and usually have ripples
3. They are not archival
4. They are supremely expensive

I will use them occasionally for sketches, but only small canvases.

When I make my own canvases I:

1. Have control of the materials (deep stretchers, heavy canvas, sizing, oil ground)
2. Save money (I spent $300 for 12 canvases prepped to my needs whereas 12 pre-made canvases of the same size pre-prepped with non-archival gesso would cost over a grand.)
3. Don't have canvases that look machine made.

The only downside to making my own canvases is that it takes weeks and weeks (allowing for labor, drying time between stages.) I am a very fast and prolific artist generally-- and the canvas prepping is what slows me down. I would probably do double or triple the large scale paintings if I didn't have to spend a month here and there wrapped up in canvas prep.

I have been thinking lately how I could work around this. I didn't have as much issue with it before with a day job. But when I prep canvases I put in 4-8 hr days in the studio, so theoretically I could work on other paintings simultaneously. Obstacles to that are:

1. With all my prepped canvases in my studio space leaning against walls and furniture, there is no room left to just paint.
2. I would need canvases that are already ready to work on-- and I run short on these quickly.
3. Sometimes I have to bribe myself to use smelly oil ground which means I put in 4-6 hours on a coat and then go to the movies as a reward.

But I have accepted that I am just prepping paintings at this point and I am rolling with it. Currently I am waiting for my last coat the dry on my canvases. I was only able to prep 5 to start with, due to space limitations. I am switching to another studio space in the same building that will help mildly with this issue, and I am glad I have 2 easels now so I can keep multiple projects going to keep up with my energy.

I won't be able to paint on these canvases until a week from tomorrow, allowing for the recommended drying time of the ground. So in the meantime I am planning my giant paintings. I took a day off from the studio on Monday and went to the Titian/Tintoretto/Veronese Venice exhibit at the MFA and I was BLOWN AWAY. I will definitely going back a couple times to fully absorb it. But I took many ideas from that show and I am busily incorporating it into my next series. I sketch all my paintings in photoshop to start with-- using photos and the brush tool (with my new Wacom Tablet.) Lately my photoshop sketches have gotten more complex-- probably compositing 10-30 images per piece. I have been taking most of my own photos and since I have more free time-- I have been traveling around the Boston area to take pictures of elements I need.

Also in the meantime, I have started some small portraits. They are experimental and I don't know how they will turn out. I am playing with multiple angles and making a double-exposure or look of movement.

Also I am trying to work on my portrait painting skills. I am good at painting figures-- but when it comes to portraits I think I have actually regressed and now I am not as good at capturing the essence of a face. It will look like a face-- just not the one I am working from. Since it is the face that initially compelled me to draw-- I am returning to that. I am also better at drawing than painting (when it comes to portraiture) so I want to work on my technique and get more comfortable. I am thinking I should do some quick sketches (on canvas board or something cheap and quick) to help me loosen up and not be so precious and stiff.

These are images of portraits taht are in progress. This is just the initial pass with the basic composition and outline of the image. After this I will start filling in the form and the color and hope it comes together. I've already wiped out both of these 4 times and started over.

Anyway, the whole point of all this work on canvases and portraits is that I have decided I will make this my most productive art year. I want to have a solid body of new work by December-- I'm already excited about how new surroundings and situation is giving me tons of inspiration.

Open Studio!

2009-04-22T23:31:00.001-07:00

I'm having a modest open studio on May 2-3, 12-6pm each day. This coincides with the Somerville Open Studios (that's in Massachusetts) that are taking place. I will have some small pieces on view and for purchase. While I am not officially part of the Somerville Open Studios, if you're in the area stop on by. Email me for the specific address: info@bekkateerlink.com (you know, to keep the stalkers to a minimum.)

Clouds...

2009-04-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

...at sunset. In Los Angeles, usually the orange in the sky was photochemical smog. And natural non-pollution clouds are rare. Here there is an endless parade of beautiful cloud formations. Just one hour of cloud watching got me these:

They almost look like lava. The color was not photoshopped, these are all straight from my camera.

Sketching, gessoing, painting, productivity!

2009-04-02T10:48:00.000-07:00

Having no full time job I am being too productive with art. I haven't had this luxury since 1999 when I participated in the Yale Summer Program at Norfolk. (Although I am getting up later in the day because unlike Norfolk-- I don't have a person making me pancakes for breakfast at 7am. So there is no food encouragement to wake up on time.) I've started 4 new paintings which are well underway-- but I'm waiting for them to dry a little before I continue. If I had a full time job I wouldn't notice this "waiting" between passes on paintings-- it just would happen naturally. But now, in order to keep moving forward, I find that I must always have canvas and panels ready to start on. Which means my appetite for new canvases is much larger than normal. I am starting to rethink the number or ambition of my paintings. Sometimes I get impatient and rush through prepping a painting (this makes more sense when I have limited time to work.) But I have endless hours now-- so why not find models, go to drawing workshops, take photos, drive around looking for locations? Why not make giant complex canvases full of 20 figures on horseback suspended in battle? I have the time.

Another "Shortcut"

2009-04-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

Here is the next installment in my tiny abstract painting series. I've been playing with this idea for only a month and already I am getting restless to go back to painting people. I know when I finish this series I will do exactly that-- my goal however is to approach it differently both in the painting process and in the idea.

There are several things that I am thinking about in the overall scope of my paintings. I am not sure if I want to keep painting "surreal"-- however I don't want to paint straightforward scenes. I don't know exactly what I'm chasing after but I know that I want to move away from anything remotely pop surrealist and hope that people will also stop asking me if I like Dali. (I hate Dali. Hate hate hate.) These aren't the reasons for changing things up-- but after working in Advertising Illustration for years and now being unemployed (due to the recent crash of the ad industry) I am getting perspective and realizing that advertising & illustration had a pretty large influence on my work. But I want to deconstruct that somehow.

Secondly, I want to challenge myself with the paint itself. With color choices, application, tools & marks. I want to play with peripheral vision, shifting light, movement, unity of time and place. Some of these things are ideas I've touched on before or have been inspired by art I have seen.

One of the most inspiring pieces of art I saw recently was the Scenes from the Tale of Genji Screen (1677) at the Gardner Museum in the Journeys East exhibition (until May 31.) There is no good image of the screen online and photography was not allowed in the museum so I don't have one to share. (You can google it and get similar Tale of Genji images.) But the screen had a series of buildings with gold clouds separating them. And you could see what was happening inside the buildings from almost an omniscient point of view. What I was drawn to was the lack of unity of time & place-- and the ellipsis of space.

Another inspiration is from a (Early Christian?) painting that illustrated a bible story and had the main figure repeated along a path to show a journey. (This is another image I've never been able to find because I saw it so long ago and forgot the details.) But this is another idea I've had in the back of my head for a while and have wanted to play with.

As for painting inspiration-- I have been making a list of some contemporary painters who's work I love (and am very jealous of.) The list so far:

Frank Ryan (you can view some of his work here and here) The pieces I loved most cannot be found online (why don't great artists these days have websites?!) but were shown at the Walter Maciel Gallery. What I liked most was the application of paint and how one could see how the painting evolved as he worked it. There would be figures that were added or taken out-- and it was imperfectly done so it had feeling of transience. The lack of preciseness was brilliant-- and it made me realize that I have a tendency to get too exact when I paint. Often the early stages of a painting are the best and I'm trying to learn when to stop touching things that already work. More importantly-- I'm trying to get the right mix of precision and looseness (such as a face being precise and the body/background being loose so it lends a sort of "focus" to the piece instead of an all-over equal focus that I do with my recent paintings.

Kent Williams (view his work here and more deliciousness here)is a master of directing focus in his portraits. I love the messy loose sections mixed with the glowing flesh of figures and commanding faces. I love the feeling of the paint in his work too and how it seems to be in motion. I would like to show more of my own hand in my paintings-- right now they feel somewhat static. But once again my work is often loose and gestural in the beginning but it gets hidden as I continue working.

Matt Bollinger (another artist with no official website but his work can be seen mainly on his blog here, you'll have to browse to find paintings) is my most recent discovery and I haven't seen his work in person-- but I know it can only be even better off the internet. What I love about his work is the color, the paint application & textures, and the compositions. I have a tendency to be too literal when it comes to painting figures and so when I see work like his I am immediately drawn to it because it has much more atmosphere than painting the same old sky is blue/trees are green/skin is pink way. Seeing work like his makes me confident that messing around with abstract pieces for a little while will be good for me and will get me out of my old color routine. Not that my color was bad before-- but for me it was becoming like a recipe I know by heart.

Also Frank Ryan and Matt Bollinger both paint from video which has been intriguing me as well (being a filmmaker myself.) This is something I will definitely play with since I love the element of time that a still photo does not have.

New painting "The Shortcut"

2009-03-31T10:28:00.001-07:00

Here is another tiny painting sketch (3x3) that I think came out kind of nice. It is very quick and I didn't overdo it, which is good. It is another abstract map from memory-- a map on how to get to Spaceland from my old apartment by walking through the hills. I'm working on some large pieces like this now but I am having trouble keeping my artistic decisions clean and concise and so the paintings are getting muddy and globby. I didn't go to the studio yesterday because I didn't even want to look at them again. Today I'll have to go and face them and decide what to do-- I need to bring them back to life somehow. Blurg.

you exhale somewhere in a field

2009-03-28T09:37:00.001-07:00

"you exhale somewhere in a field," by land and cinders

I saw the photo of this and had to share, it tickles my imagination...

Birds of Paradise (two)

2009-03-25T07:31:00.001-07:00

I like to make my tiny paintings in pairs. Because when (if) I sell them people like to buy in pairs. So here is the second Bird of Paradise looking abstract sketch. Again 3x3 inches. I've been cranking these out this week, there very fun. And something about painting on cheapo canvas board is great-- I get less precious and don't worry if my painting doesn't turn out because I didn't invest as much prep time. However when they come out good I feel a bit sad that I didn't make it on a canvas. I like canvas better-- however I'm picky and I hate pre-stretched canvas becuase it's always stretched so poorly. Canvas board doesn't have the ripples so it is a better short-cut surface. At some point soon I'm going to have to go buy some stretcher bars (by the box of course) and spend a whole week prepping 30 tiny canvases to my own high standards so I can be both prolific and more archival.

Birds of Paradise

2009-03-24T08:03:00.001-07:00

Oh, the birds of paradise
Came to me yesterday
Laughed when they told me my fate
We'd be cold, we'd be tired, but we could breathe
And one day I'm gonna leave this place

~Basia Bulat, Birds of Paradise

I originally intended to use different colors but they came out different, maybe better. This started as a painting of a map of Sunset Junction (Silver Lake, LA) and evolved into what looks like an abstract fractured Bird of Paradise flower. It's probably the color that has me making that connection. This is a very quick painting, and very small. 3x3 inches, under an hour. I think it's my favorite right now, I think I'll keep doing things like this for a little while.

In the studio with new paintings...

2009-03-23T10:37:00.001-07:00

My studio, interior
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

Here's a view of my studio. I'm just getting started on some new pieces so it's a little bland. I'm working on some small painting sketches on canvas board. They're studies for larger pieces I might make. They're abstract pieces because I had the urge to do something completely different. I've never painted abstract before so it's very scary territory for me. But I wanted a challenge myself and take a risk. I don't really know how to go about starting an abstract piece. It seems so difficult to decide where to put the colors when I'm not painting a precise picture of a thing. Even if I am abstracting from some thing-- I don't know how to approach it. But somehow this weekend I decided that abstract art needed as much (or more) thought and preparation than observational art. So I started sketches followed by painting studies followed by more sketchings and thinking and staring. Eventually I suppose I'll get to painting the real paintings. And when I start I feel less nervous and will know where to put the paint. Maybe the paintings will turn out good, and if not, learning from a challenge and getting outside repetition and comfort will be a welcome freedom.

Silver Lake

2009-03-19T09:09:00.001-07:00

Silver Lake
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

However I feel like I'm out on a limb by not drawing something observational-- like drawing things like this are somewhat silly. Though that feeling sometimes means I am doing something right. I'm thinking of doing some in oil just to see what happens. (This one is colored pencil and acrylic paint out of my sketchbook.) But I don't know if I could do abstract paintingse exclusively because it only satisfies part of what drives me to create art. Sometimes I feel like I'm two different artist in one body-- an old fashioned observational artist and a (budding) abstract artist. I wish I could combine them somehow but I can't seem reconcile the extremes.

View past map drawings:

the streets run like the lines on my palm
Eight Years in LA, A Portrait

Spring!

2009-03-16T09:11:00.001-07:00

It was very warm Sunday which meant I could go outside to paint wearing just a T-shirt while there was still some snow on the ground. So here is an 8x10 quick sketch (3 hrs) of an area near my house. It does not look the way I wanted it to. I wanted it to be less detailed and more gestural with better lines and composition. But I got hung up painting the trees instead of the forest. But it's a start. Last time I went through a lanscape phase it took 6 months to work through getting hung up on detail to get to the point where I could just throw a mark down and not question or correct it. Perhaps when I do my next one I'll give myself a time limit (1 hr?) and see what happens. Often my paintings are fresher in the beginning and sometimes I just over work them and they loose the spontaneity. The good part of this painting is that I was much more generous with paint than usual. Usually I use very thin washes. Though I'm not used to painting all in one go so I don't know how to think several steps ahead as I work. Here's a photo of the spot:

Dark eyes, Sunny Days

2009-03-13T11:30:00.001-07:00

Dark eyes
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

This girl had one of those faces that is just dramatic. I tried hard to capture it and I think it came out a bit labored and not as fresh feeling as I had hoped. But I got her basic essence-- dramatic eyes and eyebrows, dark hair, and a headband that offsets it in an almost playful way.

This weekend I am hoping to get a new series of paintings started-- but I may just start planning them and getting reference together for them. I need to also do some sketching. Sunday's weather will be good so maybe I'll bike somewhere and do some outdoor sketching/painting. I never considered myself good at landscapes, but since I have moved I feel like I need to paint landsdcapes outdoors to feel more connected here. There's a cranberry bog and a farm nearby I could paint. I'm glad the weather is getting better so I have more options than staying cooped up inside.

Slightly nerdy...

2009-03-12T11:23:00.001-07:00

Slightly nerdy...
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

...in a good way with the high-impact glasses. He would look like a totally different person with a different pair.

Woman with curly hair

2009-03-11T08:45:00.003-07:00

Woman with curly hair
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I suppose this is not a terribly flattering portrait of this woman-- however sometimes outside influences creep into a drawing. The light was kind of sickly yellow here, and even though she was nice looking-- the light made her look old and weathered. I also was overly fascinated by the shape of her hair and how it created a wild dark halo and blended into her shoulders. I was more intrigued by those details than drawing an accurate portrait. So this turned more into caricature.

In other news, I'm off to my new studio today. But I'm not doing anything terribly creative-- mainly moving in and organizing my little area. I probably won't touch a brush until this weekend. I must buy some supplies since I gave away any painting supplies that would have broken and created havoc if the movers chose to toss my boxes around. So I have no turpentine or mediums. But that is easily remedied and I'll be happily painting very soon.

Seated Girl

2009-03-10T08:13:00.001-07:00

Seated Girl
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

Here's another cafe sketch. This is another case where I wish I had paint on hand instead of pencil. The light was falling nicely on her and she had pale white skin, dark hair, and icy blue eyes. It would have made a nice little painting sketch. But I just had 5 minutes to sketch her and then she left the cafe.

the most beautiful picture in the world (to me)

2009-03-09T11:12:00.001-07:00

the most beautiful picture in the world (to me)
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

This is my new studio space! As of today! It isn't much to look at but out of this gray shack will come many new paintings.

It's probably irresponsible to rent studio space with my unemployment check. But it absolutely had to be done.

(My sister says Van Gogh would've done the same. She would know, I gave her Van Gogh's letters for Christmas and she's read it and, because she has the amazing ability to remember every word she reads, quotes it back to me regularly. But I told her to be careful about encouraging me to follow Van Gogh's particular career path because then I would expect her to support me financially while I paint. Luckily I'm more self-sufficient than Van Gogh, and my lack of steady employment will work itself out eventually.)

But I'm very excited about having some small bit of studio space since I've been trapped in my family's house for 5 months far away from everything and everybody. The studio is in Somerville in a perfect location. I'll be able to meet people, get of the house, look for a day job, and paint all at the same time. It put me in such a good mood I was able to land some freelance work for the week.

This is very old, from High School actually

2009-03-06T09:03:00.001-08:00

This is very old, from High School actually
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

Being back in MA means I get to see artwork I did ages ago. Back when my parents were still trying to frame everything I made (they gave up by college.) I did this piece when I was 17ish when I was a senior in high school. I never really painted before this so this really where I began. It's still one of my favorite paintings. Old pieces like this remind me why I wanted to paint in the first place. Lately I've been questioning the direction my painting has been going-- and looking at this piece makes me want to go back to the beginning and start over. Early on I just wanted to paint people-- interesting people in unique moments. I was always drawn to different non-traditional poses, angles, faces. I want to go back to painting people, just people. I just need some people to paint. Anybody game?

757 Massachusetts Avenue

2009-03-05T10:15:00.001-08:00

757 Massachusetts Avenue
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I love cafes. Probably because I spend too much time indoors painting alone. Drawing in cafes gives me a reason to go outside and also provides people to watch and draw. However there are no good cafes immediately near me. I don't even think there is a Starbucks. So I've been trying cafes in to Somerville and Cambridge. (That's where I plan to move, as soon as I am able.) But it's 30 miles away so cafes are more of a rare treat these days than a habit. This one had good tea (very important) but a bad floor layout. It was shaped like a railroad car and there weren't many good places to sit and draw from a good angle. But so far it is my favorite cafe. Because the tea was good and the people interesting. I just wish I could sit where I could see them.

In other news, you may have noticed my website has been down for a few days. It was a DNS server issue that I don't completely understand, but it is fixed now. So visit. Also if you're on facebook, I created Bekka Teerlink page. So become a fan!

Man in a Straw Hat

2009-03-04T09:36:00.001-08:00

Man in a Straw Hat
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I was going to post a painting today. However I wrecked it in a fit of anger. I am trying to paint in acrylics, except I hate acrylics it turns out. And when they don't behave I try to beat them into submission. Which results in destruction. Acrylics just can't take a beating like oils do. And I can't paint with oils in my parents house due to ventilation & risk of explosions. So I must learn to control my anger when a painting isn't working. For today I'll just post a sketch of a man I saw in a cafe. He looked like Daniel Day Lewis from the front but I didn't get to draw that view. He had a very striking presence even though he was just reading a paper. How one would imagine Daniel Day Lewis off screen.

Moonlight

2009-03-03T09:41:00.001-08:00

Moonlight
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

This started as an alternate version of the figure for the collage I did yesterday but it turned into it's own finished art piece. I was aimed to do something more finished and less messy mixed media looking. The figure was hand drawn in pencil, and colored digitally. The background is made up of digitally manipulated photos.

i made this today.

2009-03-02T14:48:00.001-08:00

i made this today.
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

This was all done digitally, except the outline of the woman which I drew by hand and a few other elements sprinkled throughout the layers. I'm having fun with photoshop, but I hate that I don't have an actual art object to handle. Even if I print it out it will be flat like a photo and have no texture. If I did print it out I would add texture with some sort of acrylic medium or something probably. Or mount behind very thick plexi or resin to make it jewel like. I'm going back to working with my hands next though. I can handle computer screens for only so long....

the streets run like the lines on my palm

2009-02-27T10:28:00.001-08:00

the streets run like the lines on my palm
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

another map, maybe a better one. but it looks more like a map than I wanted. I wanted it to be more abstract. though the streets aren't right-- because memories of where things are always shift and when you try to draw them you see it put down muddled and out of order. but I kind of like the lack of precision that memory has.

Guy in a Cafe

2009-02-26T07:33:00.001-08:00

Guy in a Cafe
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

Just a quick sketch for the day. I'm off to the city for lunch and a job interview. Happy Thursday!

Eight Years in LA, a portrait.

2009-02-24T23:34:00.001-08:00

Eight Years in LA, a portrait.
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

This is a departure. I was going to post another entery in my steady flow of people sketches of late. But my mood has skewed to the other end of the spectrum this week. Instead of looking outward I am looking inward I guess. It is a rather large jolt to suddenly be 3000 miles away from my home for the last eight years. I forgot how to live anywhere else. I'm still comparing everything to LA as I find stores, things to do, concerts, art galleries, museums, the cafe that will have my new favorite tea.

Tonight I'm in a particularly reflective mood. I go to many concerts. Many. 1-3 a week, depending on my usualy flux of commitments and projects. And always local musicians because I enjoy small venues and lending support to musicians I like. Since I've been in the Boston area (4 months now?) I've gone to just two concerts. It's sad. Because I only know Los Angeles music I found myself at a concert tonight of an old favorite from LA, Ferraby Lionheart.

But what I thought would be a night of getting inspired or getting lost in music became a night of being homesick for Los Angeles. It was also sad because I know that many of the most important things I loved in LA have since left or ceased to exist. Jobs. Friends. Music venues. Radio stations. Art galleries. It was time for me to leave as well.

However I miss having eight years of memories around me-- of places I went, things I did, people I met. When you stay in one place for so long the city becomes layered with personal experiences.

So this week I wanted to find a way to draw those experiences-- like a web of places and paths and emotions all over the city. I decided to draw a map of Los Angeles, but not a street map-- a map of everything I did in eight years there.

This is not meant to look like Los Angeles really, or be accurate with streets. This is out of my head and it may not make sense to anyone else. But here you go....

Woman Reading

2009-02-24T07:12:00.001-08:00

Woman Reading
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

When I observed this, the light was coming very softly from the window behind the woman and nearly backlit her-- but just enough light was skimming the side of her cheek. She was wearing multicolored scarf, jacket & shirt which was very cool. I drew this in pen first. I watercolored it later from memory-- I think I came close. I also wanted to capture part of the big bulky guy sitting next to her. He made her look small. I cropped him off to make the frame feel crowded and cramped.

Portrait of my mom

2009-02-22T22:17:00.001-08:00

Portrait of my mom
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

Just a quick sketch of my mom after dinner while we wer all waiting for the Oscars to start. The red carpet pre-show was on and the comentators where saying vapid things which was causing my dad to yell at the TV. My mom was tuning this all out somehow.

Family at Home

2009-02-19T19:24:00.001-08:00

Family at Home
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I quickly sketched this one afternoon as we were all lounging around being lazy. This is why I'm glad to be on this side of the country. It's comfortable. Even without having a job or my own apartment yet.

Portrait with a Laptop

2009-02-17T22:51:00.001-08:00

Portrait with a Laptop
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

How many hours do we stare at our computers each day? Too much. We should be looking at people, trees, clouds. I'm going to make an effort to spend less time with my computer and more time doing things... like drawing people looking at computers.

The Laundromat

2009-02-16T22:28:00.001-08:00

Laundromat
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I draw while I do my laundry. This man had the most serene face yet he was rather large and burly with dreadlocks. He was folding a load of laundry and I had to draw him. I think I caught his face pretty well even though this was done very quickly before he finished.

Cafe Sketch for the Day.

2009-02-15T21:22:00.001-08:00

Man with hat
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I saw him in a cafe waiting for someone and I had to sketch him. Luckily he waited a while so I had some time to try to draw him. He almost looked sad though he was probably just bored. I thought he was terribly interesting looking with his hat, hair and the tooth hanging around his neck. I tried to capture it all as I saw it but when I looked at the sketch later I realized I hadn't.

NEW WEBSITE!

2009-02-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

I totally redid my website from the ground up. I am still working out the kinks in it and I will surely update the content down the road-- but I wanted to get something more functional posted. It is much easier to navigate to and through the paintings. That was the most important part. Also they are laid out much better sequentially.

What I am still working on (other than learning enough Java to get it to load faster) is the non-painting content. I want to have an artist statement (which I have to rewrite still) and work in more of a resume & press section somewhere on the site. For now, since the content is still limited, it's integrated in other categories.

I also set up a fan page on Facebook. So if you Facebook, check that out.

That's all. I'm off to the MFA now. Will buy wood panels on the way home for a new project that doesn't involve web coding thank god!

Today's thoughts

2009-02-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

This week I wish I was a video or installation artist. But all my ideas require

a) significant money
b) significant planning
c) permits, insurance
d) a reputation as an known installation art to help grease the wheels on all the above.

(I have a brilliant video art idea that requires filming inside an art museum and putting a camera near a priceless painting. I'm keeping the details to myself in case I ever pull it off. But, having a film background, it would be impossible without some special permissions. There are major insurance issues....)

But in some ways my paintings are 2D installation or experiences. I had a photography teacher who once compared what I was doing at the time to Andy Goldsworthy-- only in 2D. The more I think about it-- it might be kind of true, and maybe I'm thinking of my paintings scenes as installation.

Only I have control of the angle, and the viewer cannot walk inside to experience it. I think the figures are there to represent the viewer and give them eyes to see through.

Though if it was an installation I don't know how I'd get a tidal pool indoors, so it would have to be outside. And if it was outside I don't know how it would be clear that he oil derricks were art, not oil. Though it is true that when I see fields of oil derricks (ah, Los Angeles) I just scream inside and want to show everyone how absurd it is.

But I can make them look absurd in a painting and then viewers get the point. I'm more of a painter anyway.

Some days I just want to shake things up and experiment with non-painting based art ideas. Bleh, my brain hurts.

Tomorrow I am going to the MFA. But I kind of wish I was going to the ICA. Maybe I'll do that this weekend.

While in Limbo

2009-02-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

My entire life is packed in boxes and not at all functional. I can't unpack (let alone paint comfortably) until I get and apartment. I can't get an apartment until I get a day job. And that is not looking at all promising in this economic climate. I'm currently living in my parents guestroom and paying my essential bills with unemployment checks. Basically I am in limbo indefinitely.

So, in order to try and be productive in a way that benefits my art, I think I am going to spend my time rebuilding my art website. Which will allow me to review where I am with my work and get perspective. And it will also allow me to learn Dreamweaver (somewhat) in the process. Which may benefit my getting a better day-job.

My current art website is simple, but I want to make it more navigation-friendly. And I've spotted some errors on it these days that I thought I eliminated. So I want to rebuild the site so that I can organize my work into "series." As I've reviewed my paintings from over the last 6 years, I've started to organize them into categories. I seem to always have several themes or ideas I'm working on-- usually simultaneously.

In my head all my paintings go together. But after the fact I look back and realize they are more schizophrenic than I planned. So I need to edit. For a while I avoided editing because I wanted to show off all the work I did and wanted a big number of total paintings so I can show how hard I work.

I still remember being horribly insulted when a gallery owner asked me if "I was still painting," as if I would just paint a few things I was happy with and then walk away. I'm not like that. I'll stop painting when I die. I don't paint for buyers or shows or galleries. I paint because it's what I want to do everyday.

But I must edit the work I put on my website so that it flows smoothly and has good presentation (in case there are buyers and shows and galleries looking.)

I'll post the other paintings, experiments, and works-in-progress here on my blog and Flickr where things can be less formal.

So a brand new website is in the works. In the meantime I'll post some paintings (done last fall) that I haven't shown to anyone yet since my life took such an abrupt turn and everything I was working on got interrupted.

More on the Rose

2009-01-27T10:07:00.001-08:00

The latest links:

The Boston Globe
Greg Cook on the Rose closing as well as Brandeis' money.
Modern Art Notes: Tyler Green
CultureGrrl: Lee Rosenbaum

Shocking News

2009-01-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

The Rose Art Museum is closing. I went to school at Brandeis, and having Rosenquists, Warhols, de Koonings hung just mere steps away from my art studio was the best way to learn about art and find inspiration.

Photoshop.

2008-12-31T21:37:00.000-08:00

I am learning it, learning to love it. Yeah.

I'm back being artsy already.

2008-12-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

Even though I'm "in transition" now and without a studio, I just can't stop making art. Making ambitious oil paintings is not convenient, but after a quick trip to the Met (just 5 hours away, yeah!) I was inspired by Degas to do pastels. I think I will eventually try some giant ambitious pastels, but for starters I am doing portraits to figure out how the hell to work with "chalk." I've been wanting to do portraits since I watched a documentary made by my neighbor about Alice Neel. (That was just before moving-- because one always gets brand new interesting neighbors just before moving out of a building.) I'm starting with self portraits, because I'm always available. And eventually I'll draw my family. After which I will draw friends... and new friends. Anyway, after a couple ass-scrambled drawings, I was able to make this:

Which isn't a bad start, but I still have a lot of work to do. I just wish I was a more interesting subject. I need to change outfits like Susanna Coffey does in her portraits. So right after this sketch, I tried to change myself up a bit:

But I struggled on this one. Mainly because it was 2am but I didn't know having not paid attention to clocks. All I know was that I was watching Notting Hill and it had finished and started over... and finished again. That's when I realized I had been drawing too late and too long. It shows in this portrait. And the pastel is still not natural. It's a bit muddled because I haven't quite figured out how it works and how to plan out my layering in my head as a draw. I always have to know what colors to lay out first and what to hold of on until the end-- but it takes time to know how different colors of the pastel interact with each other. I know oil, and I have an intuitive sense of each paint and it's qualities and when and where to use it. But pastel is unfamiliar territory. My main frustration is how Degas gets such small and fine detail. These sketches are 11x14 and very loose. His pastels are smaller, and I know he is probably using a much different (and better) pastel. I did a quick google about Degas' pastel drawings and found out enough to know that he got very meticulous about his pastel process and materials. But I must learn about his process if I can! More research is in store.

I'm no longer a Los Angeles artist

2008-12-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

I have relocated to the Boston area (more specifically to my parents house) due to lack of job & money and the promise of getting a job or money for the foreseeable future. I've been supporting my painting habit with a day job in advertising. Apparently that wasn't as stable as I thought. Oops. So I'm regrouping. I won't be painting for a while since there is a complete and utter lack of space where I am. Once I am back in the artistic mindset I will be back to blogging here.

Humble announcement

2008-10-04T23:19:00.000-07:00

On Griffith Park Blvd there was a white banged up old car with "Everything is Horrible" painted on the side of it.

That pretty much sums things up.

I wish I got a picture of the car to illustrate, but it was gone in a flash. But I did get a picture of this street art outside Palazzo Gelato on Sunset:

(I'm sure it will be gone or defaced by the time you seek it out. That's why I always carry a camera and take a moment to capture it when I see it.)

But back to the car and how horrible everything is.

Yesterday I got laid off from my job. I was surprised, yet not surprised. My company has been on the rocks lately but I thought financial disaster had been averted. Not so.

Now I am unemployed in Los Angeles once again for the first time in 2.5 years and I've forgotten how to do it. I used to scrape by on pennies from here and there but the days of being able to pay all my monthly bills with $1200 are long gone.

This whole year has been a bit of a question mark. I didn't know what it was all adding up to until this week.

It all started with Paris. Yes, I love Paris. It was like going home, with the crepes, croissants, art, and walking in the footsteps of Degas, Manet, Van Gogh and more. When I returned LA just seemed blah. I hated the giant SUV's, the unromantic clothing, the lack of history. So I set out to act like I was in Paris. I changed my clothes, got a European bicycle, took the subway every day, spent hours in cafes eating croissants. But it's not the same. Los Angeles is ugly and way too full of actors. I dont' have family, and friends seem to always be over-scheduled. I've realized I've fallen out of love with LA and I can't picture myself pursuing art and life here anymore. But I haven't said it out loud until now. Now that I am unemployed, again.

While my former company is making overtures to me about bringing me back when they have the money, the truth is I don't think I should fight to stay here anymore. It's not like after 8 years in this city it will suddenly get better.

So I've made a tentative decision: Get out. Get out while I'm still young and unattached. I'm moving to Boston. To be with family. To finally have seasons. To meet people who are not actors, directors, or screenwriters. To move forward with my life and actually put down roots somewhere and finally grow up.

I have to move fast since I have no way to pay my November rent or bills, and I am doubtful about October's. So there is a very good chance I will be gone from Los Angeles by the end of October. It's very sudden, and I have had only 1 day to seriously think about the weight of this. I'm scared, but the only thing that scares me more is committing to another permanent job in this city and not having the guts leave Los Angeles again. Because I am certain I will not grow old in this city, or even grow middle aged.

The way I see it is this, to make a very silly comparison:

Staying in LA will be like voting for McCain-- following the same stale policies from 8 yrs of Bush. In my case, 8 yrs of Los Angeles. Leaving Los Angeles will be like voting for Obama. it's unknown and unproven, smelling of east coast elitism, but full of hope.

So this is my little announcement of things to come. Maybe I will have one last giant get-together before I go, if I am not too stressed with figuring out how to get all my paintings safely moved cross country.

Rest

2008-09-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy year of shows and I think I'm done for now. I have no more deadlines planned and unless something unexpected pops up, I'm going to take a break to focus on painting for a few months.

Deadlines are good for initial motivation-- but I'm finding right now that they are getting in the way of me taking the time I need to really explore and take risks with my paintings. In a crunch I will always fall back into my comfort zone or take shortcuts, and I have to start being harder on myself.

And I think having 6-8 shows in a year with new pieces is a bit much. I want to focus on fewer and better quality shows. For now I want to develop some new work and play with new ideas.

I'm thinking of trying a completely different direction and doing some portraits. Portraiture was may first love, and there's a part of me that just wants to capture people. But I may also try some new things in my current direction: new style, color, series. Who knows where I will take it-- but I'm just excited that I don't have any schedule.

In the meantime, I got tons of finished paintings here that need to find walls. Though I assume this is not the best economic environment to sell paintings, but it would be nice to clean house right now and make a truly clean start.

Where the Inspiration Is

2008-08-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

I'm in the midst of starting some new pieces, but have been in a bit of a creative funk lately. I've been having a show pretty much ever other month this year, which is great, but has caused alot of disruption in my creative process. I've been using the shows as motivation & deadlines to create new pieces. So I paint madly for a month or so, drop everything off, hang it, go to the opening on next to no sleep... and then promptly pass out for 2 weeks. Then I repeat. So it has been this constant stop and start all year instead of a fluid and steady work flow.

So when it comes to ramping up for another show after a period of sitting in pajamas watching Project Runway reruns while painting my toenails, I have a hard time diving back in and picking up where I left off. I'm working on a piece (or pieces...?) for a small September show and I'm stuck. I rarely get stuck. But it's not that I don't have ideas. It's that I am not fired up, and that is causing some doubt about my direction. I need to feel inspired.

When I need inspiration, I don't go to galleries or art museums.

I try something new or go somewhere I've never gone before. Like the Natural History Museum.

So there are dinosaur bones that are millions of years old, and I decide take a photo of their shadow. But with the big dinosaur exhibits closed, most of what I saw were displays with contemporary animals, some which were endangered but none were extinct.

I liked the polar bears, but I don't know if they were really inspiring for paintings. Okay, so what I really wanted to see were woolly mammoths and saber tooth tigers and dinosaurs. Where can I see the really really cool old dead things?

I guess they're not at the Natural History Museum. But this was:

Does this really fit in this museum? I'm not sure. But of all the things I saw, this is the sort of thing that should be extinct.

All in all, it was great to finally see this museum. But it wasn't what I expected, and it didn't get me fired up like I hoped. What I really wanted to see was something that made me contemplate how infinite and old the universe is. Because even though I hate feeling small and insignificant, I feel like much of my inspiration lately comes out of being uneasy or scared of things bigger than me.

Changing Gears

2008-07-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Photo: A golden sneaker. Found hanging around at Sunset & Hyperion.

I've been a relaxing a little lately, with one ongoing show and the next show not until September (more on that later....) I've been stretching canvases and hope to start sketching my next large piece. Hopefully I'll be in the full swing of painting by the end of next week. But we'll see. I've not been terribly disciplined lately with my art.

Instead I've been focusing on perfecting bicycle commuting. It takes time to switch from cars to bikes, and it's a gradual learning process. Right now I'm obsessed with it. I don't think I'll go completely car free, but having a car (and car payment, insurance, gas) is getting increasingly silly. It's starting to irk me, maybe I'll have to do something as the biking becomes more natural. I'm down to 1 tank of gas a month now. Which actually isn't that special of an accomplishment since I only went through 2 tanks a month before I started biking. But 50% is good. I'm biking to work 3 days a week now. Eventually I'll work up to 5. I'm still getting used to the exercise, and my commute time is doubled by biking. I get pretty exhausted but I assume that will go away over time (I hope.) When I bike to work, it's 10 miles round trip, plus a bit on the subway. Maybe someday I'll bike the whole way, which would make it 16-20 miles round trip depending on the route. The commute is becoming a routine now. So on top of that I'm picking destinations and trying to get there without a car: Echo park, Hollywood & Highland, Downtown, North Hollywood, Burbank. On my bike I get all my groceries, pick up dry cleaning, go to the hardware store, Target, Arclight, go out to clubs in Hollywood (no more $10 parking!). It's awesome.

Blessed

2008-06-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

I feel like some paintings that I make are blessed. As if the planets aligned and allowed a bit of magic in while I paint. Sometimes I don't know it at the time, some times I do. But when the painting is done, everybody can see the magic on the canvas.

I love paintings like this, and I hate them. I love it when a painting comes out awesome. But I hate it when I try to harness that magic for the next painting. It's not that can always be controlled.

So there's a tendency for some paintings to be more precious than others. And I feel like a precious painting is the enemy of a good artist. It traps them into trying to always recreate or one-up that painting, instead of thinking truly creatively or independently.

Not only do paintings like this trap me creatively, I get emotionally attached to them so I don't want to ever part with them. They are one of a kind and never again to be created. The longer I have them in my space, the higher the attachment and the price tag I would put on them to give them up.

So how do I proceed when I've created such a beautiful monster of a painting? Do I get sell it low & move away from it as quickly as possible for the sake of creativity? Or do I keep it for the sake of emotional attachment?

It's hard not ever being sure what a painting is really worth, and if it even matters at all. If I'm just painting for the love of it, maybe I should just let people name their price. But on the other hand, I've always been the type of painter who would prefer to never let anything go at all. I love covering all my walls with my work and let it stare back at me. If I had the money, I'd probably buy more walls instead of selling pieces.

Memories and Cross Processed Film

2008-06-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

I am a bad photographer, waiting so long to develop my film. I always run out of money after buying the film. And then it piles up. Until I have a drawer of unprocessed rolls.

But I'm trying to work my way through it bit by bit. This is from a couple rolls that I cross processed. It was risky shooting in and around Paris with experimental photo processes, but I didn't want to take tourist photos, even if I had no clue what sort of image I would end up with. This was my 1st time trying cross processing so I really had no idea what to expect. I was told Fuji RXP would have an ethereal greenish haunting glow. And that Kodak E100VS would have super saturated colors.

Well, the Fuji RXP is awesome. It's kind of what a memory would look like, if it could be photographed. Fuzzy and kind of green. That's what you see above used to photograph Marie Antoinette's fake peasant village she used to play in with her friends. There are more pix over on flickr. It was very chilly an cloudy when I was there so there was no direct light. I generally hate photographing when there is no sun, I like waiting for the light to fall on a certain thing in a certain way and create images with alot of contrast. But I actually think the cloudy sky worked for me in these images, because everything came out a soft green. It has a very haunting quality. I don't know how sunlight would have affecting things, it may have given an entirely different feel to the photos. Maybe (when I have more money) I will shoot some more X-proccessed Fuji RXP.

The Kodak E100VS was not what I expected. It was very strange. I guess when I was told it would be very saturated, I pictured something like one gets pushing the exposure (or is it pulling, I always get the two confused.) But this came out looking like a child had played with all the filters in Photoshop. Here's an example (I did tone down the color a bit in Photoshop so it didn't hurt my eyes so much):

Many places where there was bright color just came out flat and two dimensional without much gradation. Plus it didn't help that many of the photos were blurry, no doubt a result of my inexperience with a Holga, and my tendency to be shy about taking photos of people on the street. I tend to rush and try to sneak photos unnoticed but that causes camera blur. I am much better at sitting with someone taking a few pictures as we chat. I think the difference is someone who gives me permission to shoot them and someone I have to sneak up on. I'll never be a good photographer of street scenes like I would love to be.

But for now, now that my latest art show is getting hung as I type this and I no longer have an imminent deadline for my painting, I think I will go back to photography for a bit. I need a change of pace.

Though it may not be for long because I already have my next show lined up for September. And I already have some paintings in the back of my head waiting to be brought into existence.

6hrs in Chicago

2008-06-22T11:31:00.001-07:00

If I could get back all the time I spent in waiting rooms, lines, jury duty, the DMV, cafes, subways, and stranded in between things to do. I would probably have 2 more years worth of life to do other things. But I would also have significantly fewer sketches like this.

We are

2008-06-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

Wilting

With barely enough shade

To cover our faces.

From Copenhagen to Los Angeles

2008-06-13T11:26:00.001-07:00

(image by me of a woman biking in Vienna outside the Hofburg)

Okay, today I'm not blogging about art.... it's bicycles instead.

I've been cheating on LA and starting to read some European biking blogs (www.copenhagencyclechic.com, www.copenhagenize.com. Ever since I accidentally stepped into a Vienna bike path and was nearly hit by 30 bicycles coming straight at me, it was true love. So when it came to choosing a bike for myself (something I've been wanting to do for a couple years and not having the cash or the guts to bike alongside cars) I thought maybe I'd want a European looking bike since that is what first inspired me. And because to me, spandex and aerodynamic looking helmets are not sexy to me. I don't want to look like that. I had to do it my own way. Which is slow. And by slow, I mean dressed nice, casually cycling over to Figaro for a pain au chocolat or to Trader Joes for fresh mozzarella and avocados. To me this is how life should be lived. Slow and casual with plenty of small pleasures and sites to see. I've been biking to work and while it's changed my commute time from 20 minutes to 60, I am out in the sun meeting people, stopping for a casual muffin, and developing legs of steel. I know to some it sounds ridiculous to triple my commute. But so far I eat better, sleep better, feel better, avoid traffic & parking & gas, and feel more intimately acquainted with things around me. So when I read about the Slow Bike movement on Copenhagize.com, I decided I had to bring the concept to LA.

(image via copenhagize.com)

And why not? People in Los Angeles are all about style. We can just shift that from driving in Mercedes to cycling around on a Velorbis bicycle. Or for those who can't go all out and have a bike shipped sight unseen, to to Metropolis and they'll hook you up with an Electra
bike (get the Amsterdam model!) So I want to encourage all you Los Angeles girls out there to get dressed up and get the ultimate accessory, a bicycle. Let the boys can have their spandex, and we don't need to give up our heels. We'll be green in our own stylish way.

Also, just a note for the fearful: it's not that scary to bike on the street. I just take less busy roads or suburban streets or walk my bike across the supremely busy intersections. You don't need to dart in and out of traffic, fighting with cars to get in the left turn lane. Just take a deep breath, relax, go sloooow. If you get there 10 minutes later, who really cares. It's 10 minutes more of sunshine and freedom.

Making the best of Jury Duty

2008-06-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

I recently had the pleasure of getting Jury Duty. So I tried to make the best of getting stuck in a room for 8 or 9 hours with complete strangers. It was so cramped, it was hard to discreetly draw people let alone move around and get a good angle on the real interesting faces. Yep, you see real interesting faces of all different types when you got Jury Duty. And they're all holding still for the most part. I didn't do much drawing until the end of the day when it was looking less likely I would be put on a jury. And the crowd had thinned out a bit by then. I think I missed some of the really interesting subjects, but I pretty much will draw whoever sits in front of me.

This first guy [below] had a real leathery face and the most amazing wrinkly eyes. He was also pursing his lips in a weird way that I couldn't capture. Before I could make a second attempt, he was gone.

This man had a very thick mustache that was baffling to me. It nearly hid his mouth. And the center parted hair made his face overly symmetrical I think, which I kind of liked. It was long on top and short on the side and elongated his face a bit. I was tempted to draw a caricature of him but resisted as best I could.

This woman had a very elegant profile and luckily held still long enough for me to capture it. There was something classical about it. I'm always glad when I find a face that lends itself to nice lines, it's rare when you're drawing from people sitting around.

magic.

2008-05-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

Gesso vs. Oil Ground

2008-05-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

Oil priming is the way to go. It is more messy & smelly, but the surface is a million times better. It has a smoothness and shine that just takes paint beautifully. While acrylic gesso has a rubbery plastic feel, and absorbs oil paint in a way that is not as graceful. However it is cheaper and faster and much less smelly.

I'm painting on gesso this week, mainly because I realized it is more cost efficient for the price I'm selling my paintings at right now. It doesn't make sense to put $$$$ into my paintings (plus much more labor), when I only get $ in return. I am only doing this on tiny paintings, and I feel guilty for it because I want to use the best materials possible. But I only have so much money to pour into my art right now, and until I start more money flowing in I think I have to cut some corners and compromise a little so I can pay my rent.

But I'm realizing I really really don't like gesso surfaces for oil. (For Acrylic it's fine, but I only used acrylic with mixed media because it doesn't eat away at cloth/paper the way oil does.) To me, using acrylic is like shooting video instead of film. It just doesn't have the softness that oil does.

I was reading this book the other day called Chemistry & Artist colors. Most of it is way over my head, but I did start to get a hint of understanding of the molecular constitution of oil paint and how it changes as it dries. It was very interesting. I'm curious to know about the make-up of acrylics. I'll have to keep reading that book. But it's slow going with all the symbols of molecules and how they interact with other molecules. I have to reread sections quite a bit.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

2008-05-26T14:55:00.000-07:00

Here's round up of what I've been up to lately:

Currently on view are some of my small pieces in “Persons of Interest” at Art Slave Gallery in Downtown Los Angeles. The show is up indefinitely, I’m guessing for another month or so. Visit Art Slave Gallery for more info.

Starting in early July, I will be a part of a group show called “Diverted Destruction” at The Loft at Liz’s on La Brea in Los Angeles. More specific details on this coming soon. This will be a really great show, so please come see it if you can!

New today is an interview with me on Spraygraphic.

I’ve posted a new painting on my website, go to www.bekkateerlink.com to view it.

Lastly, I am in the process of making framed prints and other things available at www.cafepress.com/bekkateerlink. I have a few things available there now, and much more on the way, so stay tuned!

let's all take the train instead

2008-05-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

how the night finds us

2008-05-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sleep Never

2008-05-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm behind and haven't been posting due to weeks of travel, a bad cold, and another show (which will be up for a bit if you're interested.)

One of the things I wanted to start doing was to start taking pictures of interesting things that catch my eye, and posting them. I've been itching to do this for a while because there are always things I want to capture and often it's not possible to sketch or anything. And sometimes a photo is really the thing that is needed. I bought a small little camera that fits in my bag for this purpose.

I thought it might be interesting to see what I'm compelled to photograph. It's definitely something that will come together over time. Some days I don't even touch the camera. Others, I go crazy. Anyway, since I'm behind on this, I'm going to post several today, in the order I took them....

Website Updated with New Paintings!

2008-03-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

I've put 6 new 2008 paintings on my website (as well as my flickr site.)

Take a look!

www.bekkateerlink.com

I reordered the paintings on my website so not all the new one's come up right away.

A new website is coming soon, it's in the design phase and hopefully it will be done in a month or so depending on how busy things are. I want to have something with more involved navigation and paintings separated into different series by theme-- now that the number of paintings is climbing.

And don't forget the Cannibal Flower show this upcoming Saturday. I'll have a piece in it, probably an even newer one ...if it gets finished in time.

Paper Craving

2008-03-06T23:16:00.001-08:00

ulcer04
Originally uploaded by Bekka Teerlink

I suddenly am craving working on paper. Not in the doodling in a sketchbook kind of way. Something more ambitious. I'm always more experimental with paper and mixed media as this image shows. Though part of it might be that I'm not trying to be ambitious when I do stuff like this. Though generally stuff like this comes out when I'm working through some sort of stress. I tend to not produce it except under the right circumstances since it is more art therapy than anything else. It's more personal and expressive, and feels much more primitive I guess. Maybe I mean instinctual. Like the art equivalent of sucking my thumb. When I'm in a good mood and I try to reproduce this sort of thing I usually come up with nothing. This piece was done at a time when I was particularly stressed about a money situation, so stressed that I had a bad stomach ache for a month. Eventually I dealt with the situation and the stomachache and these pieces about ulcers went way.

But there is something freeing about making stuff like this. Generally I am no good at expressionist or abstract or non-observational art. I am mostly inspired by things I see. If that's taken away, then I'm just swirling colors around like a kid and I have a hard time figuring out where to put the blue and the green and the red and what it will all add up to in the end. I need to have a concept or idea, which I generally always get from things I see around me. Drawings like the one above come from out of my head which I am more suspicious of. I don't know if they hold up well and they usually seem kind of trivial. And then there's the fact that I don't produce them consistently. Maybe if I did more stuff like this they would develop and grow. In school I would do things like this and art professors would always push me away from it, as if it wasn't worth my time. I suppose it is insecure territory. But still there are moments where it is incredibly satisfying to do stuff like this.

Perhaps it is because of the rigid painting schedule I have been in the last couple of months. But I want to make messy pictures of nothing on paper.

So tired. So happy.

2008-03-06T00:14:00.000-08:00

I can't be someone who's always on, always going going going... which has been proven by the last 2 months of mad furious productivity... and then the inevitable energy crash that came yesterday. I was so tired I was physically shaking for a good part of the day. Some good tea helped to steady me.

I told myself I would keep going strong, I've been painting so much and I have soooo many new ideas but I need a break to sleep and eat better for a while. And maybe exercise. (I'm buying a bike and going to bike to work!)

I think I'm going to read a book for a change of pace. Another thing that went by the wayside. "The Night Watch." And I joined a book group. Another change of pace, and one of my new years resolutions. And I'll go see some live music again (Hello Avett Brothers!) And I'm going camping too, and it will be the first time since I was 12 surprisingly (well not counting setting up the time I slept in a tent in my backyard in high school.) OH AND THEN THERE'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING-- I'M GOING TO PARIS IN APRIL, A MONTH FROM NOW! I'll be eating tons of pastry and looking at my most favorite paintings in the world and doing a series of artsy photos hopefully for a future show.

I'm really looking forward to all of this. I love my life, even when I'm grumpy and hungry and tired like right now.

Lastly, if you live in LA (or surrounding areas) come to my show this Saturday!

High on fumes.

2008-02-25T15:57:00.000-08:00

I just painted straight through the weekend only stopping long enough to go to an art opening for few hours Saturday night. I didn't even watch the Academy Awards which is a first for me, well a first in a long long time (since 1991 at least... when I didn't have TV.) I made immense progress though not everything is quite finished, probably 80% finished. But it's good since Friday I was at 20% or less and very much freaking out. I tend to bite off more than I can chew. If I'm required to paint 1 new painting for a show, I paint 8. I already have more work than I could ever put in one show, but I like to always have new cool things to show. And I like to look like I work hard and make consistent work, not that anybody really keeps track besides me.

What I like about painting at such a maddening pace is that I tend to learn massive amounts overnight, and that ideas flow more easily. What I hate about it is that there's that inevitable crash that comes after the show or after 7 too many late nights. Then I go into lazy mode (TV, eating tons of dessert, reading crap on the internet) which is hard to get out of once I fall into a routine. I'm going to try not to let that happen after the show, because I have way too much taking off creatively. But sometimes it's unavoidable, just because there's no more deadline and the motivation fades away.

So I'm working on 8 (holy shit!) new paintings for this show. I just counted them in my head now. And I got more ideas too, that I probably won't get to unless I start taking drugs to keep me working all night too. I'm really I hope I sell a bit, just because I think I officially killed all my brushes this weekend. And I'll be out of pretty much every earth tone as well as cadmium orange and Williamsburg's Sevres blue (BEST COLOR EVER!) And I'm getting short on storage for paintings real fast.

I've been listening to a bunch of Bob Dylan while painting, it's the mood I'm in, and I think it's getting into the paintings. I wanted to call one of my pieces "Bob Dylan's Dream" but then I decided it was lame. Especially because I'm only now discovering Dylan and everybody else on the planet knows his music so much better than I, and he's been referenced so many times already. But yeah, I've somehow gone nearly 3 decades never having really listened to any of his music except what I've heard on the radio in passing. But I get it now.

Upcoming Show!

2008-02-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

I have another show coming up in March. It's with Create:Fixate which puts on several shows a year which only last a single day. But they get massive amounts of people coming through and they're pretty well known. I have friends who don't like to do 1-day shows, but for me it seems that right now I just need to get as much exposure as possible, and that I can't turn down any opportunity to show. I'm hoping that shows like this might lead to other opportunities down the road. And more people see my work in 1 day of these shows than in 1 year if it just stays in my apartment.

The show is called "Transformation" and it explores "the topics of transformation in relation to human consciousness, energy, technology, creative expression the transformation of our environment in terms of climate-change, and how it affects our daily lives." So it's an environmental themed show, which is awesome.

I'm really excited for this show, and I've been working pretty hard on some new stuff to go in it. I decided I'm not going to post any images or detailed descriptions of what I'm working on until after the show-- so everybody will have to come out and see it in person. It's going to be a busy few weeks, and I may not blog much for a while because I want to put all my time into painting. I know I'm busy and focused when I don't even bother to make plans with friends on Saturday night. Seriously, I painted until 11 last night. Then I had dinner.

Right now I'm a little frustrated with one of my paintings so I thought I'd take a break. The canvas I made is not my best, and I don't know how it got so sloppy but sometimes it happens. I didn't stretch it tight enough-- but it seemed fine up until now. I don't know if I was tired when I stretched it or assumed it was tight enough when it was done and just kept going instead of redoing it.... But it's kind of crappy and I don't really know what I can do to fix it at this late point. I'm starting to wonder if it might be worth it to buy my stretcher bars from now on, instead of build them. Because the professionally made bars have ways you can tighten them later. But mine are dumb poor-man's stretchers. So this whole debacle is making me kind of depressed, and it's too late to re-do the canvas because it would take another few weeks I don't have. So I'm gonna make do and maybe turn to my Artist Handbook and see if there is any guidance. Or I'll just keep going and maybe later (after the show?) I can restretch it, which I hate to do and it may be even more frustrating for me. But I'll have to do something.

Tiny paintings soooo far...

2008-01-17T00:03:00.001-08:00

Here's my painting results from a crazy couple of days of tough going. This is 8x10, and I like the execution of it, but I don't like the content. This was something I just started and finished kind of spur of the moment and very quickly. Somehow I fell into a groove and got comfortable with the paint after several days of being at odds with everything. But this is probably still more of a learning experience than a complete success. The painting below is the one that was giving me headaches galore:

I'm not sure if it's done or if it's any good. It feels overworked right now, and I think if I kept poking at it I would just scrub it out and start over. The face is bothering me... so maybe I'll play with it or change it. I think I'll put it away for a while and turn to something else. Either way, for the next few days I think I need to take a break (and watch a little Project Runway, do laundry, make curry) because between stressful paintings and a stressful day job and photo shoot coming up Sunday I'm a little worried about-- I'm already worn out. It's Wednesday and I've probably already put in over 40 hours labor counting everything.

Painting tiny paintings.

2008-01-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

I'm painting a couple 8x10's right now because some of the shows I've been doing sell smaller pieces pretty quickly. So I thought it would be smart thing to do, have a few small things on hand. But I've realized I hate it, it's so restricting. I feel like I'm trying to climb into a cupboard. My brush strokes get stale and overworked, and the painting dies a long laborious death. Sometimes I have better days, but not very often. I also thought the small paintings would go quickly, but it seems they take just as much time as the giant ones. It feels like progress is taking ages and I am just aching to work canvases that I can throw my whole self into, with big strokes and gestures. And less a feeling of preciousness of detail. We'll see, I'm working on them a few more days until I finish up prepping some large canvases for a series of paintings I have in mind. Though even the canvas prepping is feeling like forever. I just want to spend 80 hours a week painting, I never have enough time. Though even at 80 hours I would probably want twice that. The more time I paint, the more time I need to spend painting.

Too much to see, too much to do... I'll paint instead.

2008-01-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

I didn't see the Dali exhibit, and probably won't get around to Murakami at MOCA. These giant super-exhibits never seem to impress me. I did like the Hockney one at LACMA though, and kind of liked the Magritte-- it made me respect him (which was hard because for 4 yrs during college I worked in a museum gift shop and I lost interest in any artist/artwork sold on mousepads.)

But I did to go to the Harvard art museums and the MFA in Boston over the holidays, and that was magical. I had the idea to see all the works by John Singer Sargent in Boston, but then totally forgot about the Isabella Steward Gardner Museum's El Jaleo which is probably the most impressive Sargent there (well, that and The Daughters of Edward Darley Boit, which is my personal favorite.) The good news was that the MFA Sargent's are back on display (apparently construction of the new addition made them inaccessible earlier in the year.) The bad news is that I never made it across the street to the ISGM to see El Jaleo, and instead wandered down to Faneuil Hall to get fresh chocolate chip cookies and watch break dancers.

But after seeing the Sargent's and their very fresh lively use of paint, I couldn't be bothered to see the Dali exhibit. I find his paintings kind of drab and dead. I'm not a fan of surrealism, which is maybe odd because I've been painting surrealistically lately. But I really dislike it. And everybody asks me "Did you see the Magritte exhibit?" or "Are you going to Dali?" and I feel like a traitor. But when I explain to them the difference between what I'm doing versus the official surrealist movement, people's eyes glaze over. But after seeing the Magritte show, I was even more convinced I am not Surrealist (with a capital 'S'.) Surrealists are interested in the subconscious and dreams. Their movement corresponded with Freud's own work on dreams and the subconscious, though it had not been translated into French at the time-- the Surrealists just happened to be intrigued by the same ideas. Stuff like this is very intriguing to me, people exploring the same ideas in two countries unknown to each other. (The filmmaker Kieslowski was also intrigued by this, watch the extra features on "Blue"... and see is films, it is a recurring idea.) But I am not exploring the subconscious or dreams with my paintings. I think of it in a more literary way. I used to call it magical realism, and for a while I called them metaphor paintings, but still those terms don't seem right.

Most of my paintings are exploring issues and ideas that I see around me, in the media, in everyday life, and in my head. They are more collages and juxtapositions of real life things than anything else. More than anything else, they are about environmental issues, mainly because I'm completely scared shitless about this stuff and I am working it out in my head and it comes out in my paintings. I'm not trying to make "message" paintings, and want to keep away from that completely. But I want to let the confusion, frustration, and fear seep into the paintings.

This is probably why many of the paintings have figures with their backs to the viewers, it gives the painting a point of view so the viewer knows they are observing something instead of being lectured about something. I also think having a figure's back to the viewer will pull him in, because there is that natural instinct to want to see someone's face. I like to deny that to the viewer. I think it creates a tension, and also makes the viewer see the rest of the painting differently-- because then they are seeing what the figure in the painting is seeing. And they relate to the figure. Also I like the idea of viewing things through innocent eyes, which is why these days children are appearing in my paintings. (Many of which are in process and not posted anywhere yet, sorry.) It's like the book To Kill a Mockingbird-- it's about a controversial subject but because it's seen through the eyes of children there's more of an honesty and straightforwardness about it.

I'm rambling a bit today, and my thoughts are going million miles an hour. I've been working like crazy since the new year building new canvases and starting new paintings. Hopefully more coherent posts will follow, as well as pictures. And maybe I'll have a new *show* to announce soon, I've been working on that as well....

Making a Painting

2007-12-11T22:22:00.001-08:00

I'm busy doing some businessy stuff to finish off the year. I don't have much time to get much done before the holidays, but I'm working on developing some new pieces and getting some projects lined up for the new year. I'm getting ready to dive into starting a new series of paintings in January. I spend more time preparing paintings than painting them sometime. Here's a bit of what I'm working on. The following painting I'm preparing is tentatively being called "Free Will." It was inspired by the painting above ("Original Sin" by Hugo van der Goes, Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna.) I seem to be fascinated by the Eden story right now, and love how it is portrayed in painting. I especially love the lizard-serpent creature with the head of a woman. When I first saw this I didn't realize it was the serpent, only with legs and a human head. Then I started looking at other paintings of the same thing and realized how many ways it has been painted. I was originally going to work this into my painting, "The Bible Tree" but it has developed into having its own canvas. Below is a color sketch:

I somehow had the idea of placing it into a flooded world that's more like the flood story than Eden. (The theme of floods, water, and tidal pools also keep recurring in my stuff lately.) I put some dead trees sticking out of the water, having seen trees like that in flooded areas on the east coast. I eventually removed all trees but one-- thinking of making it more of a dead and drowned Tree of Knowledge. However I was unhappy with the composition and color somewhat, so I tried another color sketch:

I felt a little better about this one, I liked the lone tree but didn't quite like the foreground or some of the fine detail. It still seemed off balance, but the concept was much closer. I'm still not happy with the color, it feels chalky. But I will be able to refine it in the final, and get much more depth (which comes from spending weeks on the painting instead of the 3 hrs this one took.) I did a detailed pencil sketch to refine the detail and composition, I'm not sure if it's perfect, but I like it much better. It needs some more space on the right side I think. But I nailed the lizard-serpent creature.

I think I might put a rotting apple in the final painting (and straighten out the horizon line....) In this I also changed the eyes so they are looking at the viewer, and I'm still thinking about the face. I start out my paintings lately by photo-collaging them to work out composition and ideas. I thought I would include the photo-sketch as well-- even though I work from photos I change a good deal once I translate it into a painting:

For this painting, I will most likely paint more from the pencil and color sketches than the photos. While photos can be helpful-- I find they lock me into things (like where the rocks are, lighting, color, specific positioning) so I make an effort to question and rethink what's in them. You can see that in the tail and hands of lizard, the placement of the rocks, the woman's head and eyes.

I haven't started the final painting yet. I may start a small 8x10 of it this week, and may do a larger one later. I want to finish one more painting before Christmas, this may be the one but we'll see. I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet and am buried in parties and concerts and art shows for the next week. Hopefully I'll get some time this week to at least start.

Looking to Van Gogh...

2007-11-21T21:42:00.000-08:00

I've been reading some of Van Gogh's letters to his brother-- I recommend them for any artist or art lover. It's one of the best art reads out there, with many great insights into Van Gogh and the world he lived in. Today I decided to start reading from the beginning with his first letter in the collection (by Irving Stone) and I'll try to read straight through to the end in order. In the first letter he mentions the above painting by Millet and then goes on to give this advice:

"Try to walk as much as you can, and keep your love for nature, for that is the true way to learn to understand art more and more. Painters understand nature and love her and teach us to see her. If one really loves nature, one can find beauty everywhere."

Vincent Van Gogh
London, June 1873

"The Jungle" 2006. Oil on canvas, 48x72 inches

2007-11-16T15:03:00.001-08:00

This is the first *big* painting I did in Los Angeles. Both in size, and in seriousness. I was in film school when I started it, and was pretty unhappy with where I was geographically and mentally. I'm not a big fan of film school or the film world in general these days... but this painting was begun when I was coming to terms with that fact. I consider this painting sort of the starting point to everything I am doing now. Though it was actually "finished" (more accurately abandoned) quite a bit later. I probably spent 3 years off and on working on this painting. The concept emerged out of a series of photographs I did called the "Imposed Geometry Series" which loosely about humankind vs. nature, chaos vs. order. It explores how people impose order and shapes on nature, and try to contain it. Another theme that runs through the photos is femininity and vulnerability. This was inspired my Francesca Woodman photography who is probably one of my biggest visual artist influences, and my biggest photography influence. I liked the idea of woman in traditional dressy feminine outfits out in nature where they are seemingly out of place and out of their element. Below are some of the photos I took that inspired The Jungle....

In the photo above I was aiming to get a feel of a jungle, and I wrapped myself in plastic I took off a dress hanger. Somehow it reminded me of how dolls are packaged in plastic. I play with various materials in my photographs, plastic is one of my favorites. I like the connotations has, and how unnatural it is. And it doesn't hurt that light really interacts in interesting ways with it. Also note the oil derrick on the hill in the upper right corner, this park in Culver City where I took many of these pictures in was full of them. I tried to avoid them in most of my photographs back then, but they are now featured prominently in recent paintings.... Just to show how the seeds of ideas are planted.

In this one I wanted to have that fairy tale feel of a woman stumbling through a forest wearing heels. I liked that the pattern of the leaves is almost echoed in the design of the shoes.

I started the painting of "The Jungle" soon after these photos, and the concept was pretty much the same thing. I know at the time I was questioning why I was painting something that I already did pretty decently in photography. But it was what I was thinking about at the time, so I went with it. It was later I realized that in painting I had much more control of the content much like visual effects artists can escape the physical limitations of locations, actors, reality. All the reference of plants and the background was taken from photos of plants around LA and a bunch from the jungle garden at the Huntington in Pasadena. The model was my friend Julie who is a phenomenal actress. I met her when I cast her in a short film I did that was inspired by a scene from Franny and Zooey. At the time she had this long wild mane of red hair which I decided I had to paint. I really got into the jungle scene of this painting, and the idea of a woman lost in it. I had the impulse to put a tiger and some other creatures in it, but in the end I decided to leave it more simple than over the top. I don't know if I feel like this painting is finished, but I worry that if I worked on it longer I would kill it. I sometimes feel like I quickly kill my paintings if I work on them too long and get too precise. I also stop working on paintings more because I get distracted by new ideas and concepts that often make my older ones seem sort of obsolete.

Stretching Canvas Week! ...or the "I need a much bigger apartment" blog

2007-11-14T21:16:00.001-08:00

I am stretching 8 canvases this week, and hopefully will get well into oil priming them by Thanksgiving. I do them in batches, because it's hard to switch from stretching to painting in the same day. Mostly for space reasons. Depending on what I am doing, I usually have to reorganize my apartment to accommodate everything. The picture above is my living room. I don't paint in this room. It's usually used as a living room/office/library/dining room. But because it has more "open space" I use it for stretching canvas as well. My apartment has 2 other rooms. The kitchen, and the bedroom/laundry room/studio. It's pretty tight. I can turn around but that's about it. I do need to spend a weekend purging a bunch of stuff to make more space, but I've been meaning to do that since January and it's likely it will be a while before it happens. Once I get this latest round of canvases stretched, the tiny space will really start hitting me. 80% of my walls are already covered by existing art. And so once I start working on these canvases I'm going to run out of wall space real quick (I like to keep my paintings out in the open on walls while I work on them-- I think half of painting is just looking at the paintings as they progress....) So I am going to have to solve my space problem, and soon. Over the next months I will either A) need to sell paintings, B) need to lend paintings, C) need to get a raise so I can rent a storage space for paintings. I'm really really pulling for option A, but that's not going so well-- at least not for the big ones. (I guess technically I've sold 8 or 9 paintings this year, but they were super tiny.) But for now I'm just going to keep on stretching and painting. I'm aiming to do a couple more paintings by the end of the year, so I can go out with a bang. Then more at the start of the year... to start the year with a bang. Hopefully I'll have more shows coming up, that I'm working on. I am going to do a 1 day show on December 13 with some small works, so I'll be working on those for the next week or so while I get my big big canvases primed and ready for action.

At Sea

2007-10-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

It's an in between week for me. In between shows, in between paintings, kind of a no man's land of creativity. A week where nothing will happen as I am out of canvases and finished with the ones I have... and I itch for another deadline to burn myself out on. I should start planning my next pieces (before I find myself with a new and impossible deadline upon me.) But instead I've been playing rainy-weepy guitar for hours broken up by periodic trips to various bookstores to see if they have Anais Nin's Collages which I am determined to read next (even though I have a stack of other unread books right next to me. I should read those first probably....) I just read the other day that Anais Nin lived not more than 2 miles from here, and I tend to cling to any shred of literary history that Los Angeles can claim. I almost walked to her house yesterday but had to stop myself because I had things to do and it was getting dark.

I am pondering my next paintings, there are several distinct stages of painting. For me it seems the conception of paintings is separate from the actual painting. I will spend a month or two brainstorming and developing my paintings-- this usually involves sketching in photoshop, collecting reference, and just churning out the basic framework for a number of pieces. This is usually the most creative part of painting, but sometimes the physically most dull part because it involves sitting in front of a computer more than a canvas. The actual painting I love completely, because I'm on my feet in action. It becomes a sort of a dance with music blaring and my brush moving to the rhythm. I love it because it is very high energy, creative, and instinctual (versus intellectual and sendentary.) When I'm painting, I usually have a permanent high. And right now, this week is the exact opposite-- that low valley between mountains, an anticlimax.

Hopefully by the end of the week I'll find the beginnings of my next paintings, and I'll start work on some canvas frames. (Yay, woodworking time!) Perhaps the industry of cutting lumber and the rush of using power tools is just what I need. I may be fancy this time and break out my router and make my own beveled edges.

Spaceland Sketches

2007-10-27T21:27:00.001-07:00

I've posted some fun little sketches I did at the Parson Redheads show last week at Spaceland. I kind of wish it was less crowded so I could've snagged a table closer. But instead I was tucked between the merch table and the trash can looking at the backs of heads. Spaceland is not the best place to sketch, Silverlake Lounge is better, and perhaps Bordello. Also El Rey is good (when they have the tables & chairs set up along the side) because it's easy to see over heads and sometimes the lighting guy throws up some crazy stuff. I think my new fantasy is to someday paint a large canvas live on stage with a band. I heard it's been done before, it never occurred to me it could be done. In high school during talent show time I would feel left out that as an artist I couldn't put my talent in front of an audience. But live painting side by side with music would definitely work. Some day I will find a way to do this. Meanwhile I will keep drawing at shows I go to sitting quietly off to the side....

Cigarettes and Red Vines

2007-10-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

I saw Aimee Mann today on Vermont Blvd. I had her CD Bachelor No. 2 on repeat when I first moved to LA (along with The Who's greatest hits.) I got to see her perform at Largo last year, I was sitting 4 feet from the stage with best bud Guillermo and sipping on a dirty martini. It was one of the best live shows I've seen, despite the fact she kept forgetting her own lyrics (thankfully the audience could help her there.) Seeing her reminded me of that awesome show, and made me think of all the wonderful shows I've gone to here in LA. Here is my top list of the best musicians/performers I've seen:

1. Josh Ritter - I've seen him 4 times live and every show I'm blown away. It's partly the sheer energy, the stage persona, and the band as a whole. I think his lyrics are the most interesting and wonderful that I've heard. I'm really drawn to the images and concepts in them, and he uses the most bizarre juxtapositions and references. I had been thinking about metaphor in literature vs. painting for a while (See my painting "In The Ruins of the City" for a prior attempt.) But it was his CD "The Animal Years" that crystallized my thinking about this and compelled me to follow my instinct about using my own bizarre juxtapositions of imagery (see "The Edge of the World.") I'll probably write more about this later, since it's been on my mind again as I start a new series of paintings in the vein of The Edge of the World...
2. Mia Doi Todd - Every time I go see her I seriously float home and start painting or writing poetry furiously. Her lyrics are so plain and deceptively simple yet beautiful-- they often consist of simple observations but it takes someone like her to turn them from ordinary to an extraordinary song. I studied poetry in college with Olga Broumas, and reading poetry aloud was very important there. When poetry is read well, it has a musical quality. And Mia's music/voice somehow seems to straddle the world of music and poetry. Plus she performs barefoot and uses a harmonium, and I looove things like that.
3. Ferraby Lionheart - Another LA local, I first heard his music on the radio as I was moving my last load of belongings to my new place here in Silverlake. It took me a while to track him down online (now it's not as hard since he's starting to get some attention) but I was able to see him play solo a couple days later. I think what struck me about him is his reserved quality as well as how magical his music is. I also find something familiar about his music, and after some thought I decided that his songs feel like songs I would write myself (well... if I could write music.)
4. Aimee Mann- I loved her live, partly because of the intimacy of the venue and the casual quality of the performance. She had no set list, and I think some of her back up musicians were not her normal people and just following along. Also since I found her music during a transitional period in my life so it just holds so much extra meaning for me.

Un-updated?

2007-10-27T02:02:00.000-07:00

I revised my website again, and undid a few things I did late night earlier this week. I need to stop impulsively starting on projects at 2am (notice the timestamp on this blog, I am seriously crazy and should be asleep now.) So for now the artist statement has been removed, I am once again mulling it over.

Website Updated, for now.

2007-10-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've updated my website so it has my latest paintings. I also reorganized the order that the paintings are viewed, so the recent ones pop up first (sort of, they're also somewhat ordered by concept too.) I also put a semi-coherent artist statement which shall be revised once I get a 1st and 2nd and 3rd opinion on it. It's still nowhere near perfect. It's hard to write one universal statement to cover every idea in my head and in my work. There's still so much I didn't get into, I feel like I could write a book. It's is additionally hard to write a statement when I'm going through a period where I'm feeling a bit scattered artistically. I had a show a few weeks ago where I saw a bunch of my recent pieces next to each other and I felt they were so different as if they were separated by years and not days or months. I resolved then to be more focused and unified somehow, even if it was just done by a unified color palette. I'm still turning this all over in my head, and I got a sort of unsatisfied feeling in my stomach. I know at some point I'll find my new direction and start a brilliant new series of paintings. For now, I'm loosing myself in music and a bit of poetry as a change of pace.

Try to compose it,
it fails
the center vanishes

the figure
suddenly
nowhere
in sight

or hiding under
scraps of buildings
the columns of a fallen bridge
any thing hard will do
as shield
or carapace

yet nothing stays
everything disperses
you cannot draw this
dust as it rises

excerpt from the poem "To the Far Corners of Fractured Worlds" by Susan Griffin. (from The Gift of Tongues by Copper Canyon Press.)

(I just realized I don't know the protocol for quoting poetry or other published material in a blog. Is it allowed, and how much? I have absolutely no clue, it's such a new world for me. If this has crossed any lines, please politely inform me and I'll remove it.)

bohemian night

2007-10-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

Walking at night is lovely in silverlake, I think i could walk forever along the dark curvy roads that seemingly go nowhere. this time of year there aren't as many flowers blooming, that I missed. their scent is stronger at night and reminds me of northern Israel where there is a city I visited where the air is filled with the aroma of every flower possible and I've tried to figure out what flowers they were ever since. And I swear there are the same flowers here in LA.... But tonight the aroma was more of mulch and dirt which is pleasant in a different way. And the hills were very quiet, just the hum of traffic in the distance. I don't like to listen to music when I walk. Natural sounds are even better... the brief bits of conversation, TV, music. The constant rhythm of my feet. I steal glimpses into lit windows that feel like frames of pictures. I see vases, couches, chandeliers, framed art, books. I wonder what they read, who they are, what they do, where they go. Everything looks charming in a window, it's like a miniature stage with much quieter drama. Sometimes there are no characters at all. The roads are very narrow with little lighting and steep inclines. The homes are build into the hills and overgrown plants in a haphazard terraced manner. Some of the homes look like the big earthquake has already hit. They have crooked doors and sagging beams and the paint falls off like paper. There are vines every where, and hidden staircases and lamps meekly radiating yellow light. There are no straight lines or order, and it's almost as if you can see all the changes and incremental movement of the landscape from decades layered on top of each other like multiple exposures.

My walk ended at spaceland-- which was more a reason to walk through the hills at night than a destination. I have returned to sketching musicians and crowds. It seemed like I needed to be a bit bohemian and return to living fluidly without structure or discipline. When I draw from people (especially in a public place) there is no control. People move, stand still, turn around, block your view-- whatever is unexpected. It's nice to sketch them because I can't get too precious about anything. I see a nice moment... such as a person whispering in another's ear, a couple embracing, a person walking through my view... and it's gone. I draw what I can. Sometimes it's a figure, somtimes it's just an elbow or outline or nose. I layer the drawings on top of each other and they form a sort of messy shape of gestures. Again, it's kind of like multiple exposures. Little is recognizable, I capture the energy of a person or people moving by and it's gone. And then among all this I like to put the sketchpad down and join the picture because behind all of this is the music which always put's me in a transcendent mood and makes me skip home giddy and glowing.

"Walden" 2006. Oil on canvas, 15x19 inches.

2007-10-16T21:25:00.001-07:00

This painting was done along side of "Away." I had the idea of a girl sitting in a rowboat with no oars. Originally it was going to be set on the ocean. But then I changed it to a New England setting, out of a bout of homesickness probably. (My family has a canoe that they often take out onto the Concord River.) I set this painting on Walden Pond, mainly since I have a large obsession with Henry David Thoreau and have read Walden and Civil Disobedience way too many times. This painting was made at a point in my life where I felt I was going nowhere, and I started was asking myself what was most important to me. It was at this point where I taped the following quote onto the wall of my studio:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary.

"Away" 2006. Oil on canvas, 13x16 inches.

2007-10-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

This painting is significant to me because I painted it at a time where I was in a crossroads in my life. I wasn't really very satisfied with my life and had come to a point where a decision had to be made... the type of decision that takes 9 months to make and you don't realize you're even making it until you look back and realize how far you've travelled from where you started.

This painting is about withdrawing from one world and going into the unknown. The figure is walking away from us, and we can't see her face or what's ahead of her. I'm fascinated with painting people from behind because the first impulse when we see someone from behind is to try to see around to their face. And in this painting I deny the viewer the woman's face, and it creates a tension that pulls them in.

I also wanted to have an element of darkness in this painting. I didn't want to literally paint anything threatening into the image-- but by placing a woman into natural setting there is an implicit quality of vulnerability. Nature is wild and untamed, and dark forests hold the unknown-- the looming possibility of danger. But there is also a regenerative quality to them as well as a spiritual one. I think of this painting as sort of a fairy tale-- the moment our hero embarks on a journey into the unknown.

Because music is very much intertwined with my life and my paintings, I want to include a few songs that were in my head when I made this:

Earlimart - Treble and Tremble, "Tell the Truth, Pts. 1 and 2"
David Kilgour - Frozen Orange, "G Major 7"
Seekonk - For Barbara Lee, "Maps of Egypt"
The Dissociatives - The Dissociatives, "Lifting the Veil from the Braille"
The Shins - Oh, Inverted World, "New Slang"

Blogging my Paintings...

2007-10-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling over writing a concise and accurate artist statement these days. Well months, I've been putting it off regularly. I feel my work is in state of change-- so it is hard for me to make statements on my body of work as a whole. Much of what I would say now about my work doesn't even apply to paintings I did earlier this year. And what's in my head now has yet to be seen on the canvas. So I thought I would do it my own way, and write a statement about each painting on my website (as well as all the details people ask like "How long did it take?') I'm gonna try to do this over the next week or two while I have some downtime catching my breath between shows. (Next show(s) to be announced soon, FYI. I have a couple things in the works...)

switching gears... again

2007-06-19T16:55:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a bunch of photos this week. I thought I would be back to painting now that my open studio show is done, but I think painting will have to wait just a while longer. (This is what happens without an impending deadline. There's a tiny show next month I think I might see if I can get in on, just for a deadline. But I'm procrastinating that as well.)

I'm taking photos these days. And not self portraits for once. I've been doing headshots off an on for a while as a side gig. But I wanted to do a little more so I've angling to take some publicity shots for musicians. And since I've been thinking along photography lines lately-- it is always my style to get carried away. Because I've already come up with several series worth of photos. (It's hard, everything I look at inspires me... it gets ridiculous because I can't keep up with myself. But I do this when I am concepting new paintings too... come up with 20+ at one time until I just come to the natural end of the line of thought.)

The photos series I'm going to do first was inspired by a trip to the 99-cent store (the best place for inexpensive inspiration, 2nd only to the fashion/garment/jewelry district downtown.)

I call it the "Bubble Gum Series", because it's going to be completely over the top with candy colors, childlike themes, playful feel, and a complete lack of seriousness. It's so easy to get serious with fine art portraiture. I want to do something all out goofy.

So it started by my not being able to afford photo backdrops at $40 each just for the 53in roll of photo paper. Let alone the apparatus to hold it up. So I went to the 99-cent store to have a look around, mainly for anything matte, and black or gray. They didn't have that. But I found other stuff: bright wrapping paper, table cloths, shower curtains. All perfect for backdrops. Then I found balloons. Ribbons. Childrens make-up. Very mundane 99cent stuff, but I always find that it's the simple stuff that is the most promising.

Now I'm saddled with the chore of coordinating my "models", mainly my friends and acquaintances who say "Sure, I'll up for that" and then promptly get busy with other stuff. Which means by Monday I'll be doing self portraits again.